Penises Don’t Lie

From my live cam chat:

guest26:  Chaim A.’s best line:  Penises don’t lie…classic and so true
guest26:  especially those in tightie whities
User ChaimAmalek entered the room.
guest26:  speaking of the devil
ChaimAmalek:  Jews are so often into antisocial perversions like coprophilia, feminism and communism because they have escaped the Torah Corral
ChaimAmalek:  God gave the Juden the Torah not to aggrandize the Jews, but to protect the Goyim from the Jews.
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, you watching porn again?
ChaimAmalek:  Why is Emma never here?
ChaimAmalek:  Or your boss?
ChaimAmalek:  Or that Leah person?
YourMoralLeader:  californication
ChaimAmalek:  You need to detach yourself from such nareshkeit
YourMoralLeader:  how’s your penis?
ChaimAmalek:  Lonely.  How’s yours?
guest26:  luke’s penis only does with with non jewish women
ChaimAmalek:  Yup.  That’s what I told him the other day.  Every time he pretends to like a Jewish woman, he sounds like a barely closeted gay man
guest26:  your take on him is right on the money
ChaimAmalek:  He’s just not into the Jewess.  Never was, never will be.
guest26:  i read what you wrote…so true
ChaimAmalek:  Cheap Trick!
guest26:  he fakes liking our ortho group  but we know he is totally disinterested
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, you are looking Russian Orthodox these days
guest26:  with geisha like traits
ChaimAmalek:  Luke is into Judaism for the perceived sense of community and sense of social belonging
guest26:  & that’s about it
ChaimAmalek:  Which, it turns out, is how Christianity spread in its early centuries.
guest26:  too bad is can’t get into cholent & my kishke
ChaimAmalek:  Your kishke?
guest26:  yes mine
guest26:  kishke is also inerds
ChaimAmalek:  When I think of kishke, I think of something tubular, bound by a sheath
guest26:  intestine
ChaimAmalek:  Take away the contents, and you have the stuff of early condoms
ChaimAmalek:  Just tie it off at the end and you are good to go.
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, if you were a real Jew, you would be writing more about the current economic panic
guest26:  he will not procreate with a jewess
ChaimAmalek:  Instead of gossiping about this or that rabbi
ChaimAmalek:  G26, have you tried setting him up with a Jewess interested in breeding?
YourMoralLeader:  yeah 26, gimme a chance
ChaimAmalek:  I have a perfect pickup line for Luke: "At least with me you know the man won’t be making your kids into mamzers"
guest26:  i only deal with serious procreators
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, the Jewss just does not do it for you.
guest26:  or serial
ChaimAmalek:  g26, on the assumption that you are female – you write like one – I urge you to procreate.
ChaimAmalek:  Prepare for a world in which Barak Hussein Obama decides the fate of the Juden
ChaimAmalek:  By having more children. 
guest26:  which came first the chick or the egg?
guest26:  or fertile egg?
PerthiteOnStairs:  The skiksa came first.
PerthiteOnStairs:  Eve wasn’t a Jewess.
ChaimAmalek:  The egg always comes first.
ChaimAmalek:  Sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive.  From this all else follows.
guest26:  high holy day randall is the one for lukel
guest26:  their chemical reaction could be explosive
guest26:  and will save the world
ChaimAmalek:  I have seen Luke with Holly.  And to tell the truth, I was envious of the man.
ChaimAmalek:  Holly has it all – including real yichhus in that world to which Luke MUST return.
guest26:  i will help reverse his bris
ChaimAmalek:  g26, the internet is no place for a fertile female.
ChaimAmalek:  You should be breeding at this very instant, assuming ovulation
guest26:  that is the only place to have safe sex erev yom kippur
ChaimAmalek:  What is safe sex?
ChaimAmalek:  No guts, no glory. 
guest26:  without having to klopp my heart too much
ChaimAmalek:  Forget about your heart and think of Obama
guest26:  i can’t think about politics or my stocks i am only think about my fertility
guest26:  and in helping luke build a sukkah in the backyard

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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