Why Don’t I Ever Feel Heard?

I have spent my life struggling with the feeling that I am not being heard. I guess it goes back to my early years in foster care. Whatever the cause, it is a big reason I blog. The healthier I get, the less need, perhaps, I will feel to write.

Therapist Jerry Wise: “If you equate ‘being heard’ with ‘agreed with’, you have an enmeshment problem [wanting others to be just like you].”

“Often feeling heard allows couples to move on… A child who grows up in a dysfunctional family has a different experience with feeling heard.”

“The person who does not feel heard is often having an experience they have felt most of their lives. It is not simply about the immediate interaction with another person. The content may be about that but the process is about not feeling heard.”

“I’ve been with couples where one individual was being heard but could not feel being heard because she did not feel heard growing up in her family.”

“Feeling heard happens when we value ourselves enough to be heard.”

“Often individuals who grew up in dysfunctional families equate feeling heard with being totally validated as a person. They so lack a sense of self they feel that if they can only get enough validation, they will feel cared about. The self-love I need is important work I have to do. It doesn’t happen by someone else hearing me. I have to do that self-work first.”

“Not feeling heard may say more about the relationship vs not being heard. Maybe there are deeper problems not resolved?”

“Reducing our historic need to feel heard will increase our experience of being heard. If we heal from our childhood, we will live in a way to feel more heard. Otherwise, we will feel our spouse is just like our parent, our family of origin in not hearing her.”

“Looking at the deeper roots of not feeling heard is more important than just learning skills. Healing deeper wounds tends to resolve more not feeling heard issues than just learning skills.”

“Reduce your need to be invisible and to be not heard. If we were heard, that would create anxiety for us.”

“Stop repeating yourself and stop nagging. Use IMAGO dialogue.”

“Resolve your family of origin issues. You are more likely to be heard after those are resolved. They will blind us.”

“As we increase our worthiness of feeling heard and increase our self-differentiation through expressing our needs, beliefs, wants, boundaries and feelings without reactivity and cutting off. This will enable us to experience more love and feeling heard.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
This entry was posted in Psychology. Bookmark the permalink.