We’ll Say No More About It

* Growing up a WASP, I often heard the phrase, “We’ll say no more about it.” I don’t ever remember hearing it in Jewish life, however.

* From Downton Abbey, S5E6, Lady Mary: “I’ll be as solemn as a church.” I can’t imagine anyone ever saying, “I’ll be as solemn as a shul”, though Reform temples can be solemn.

* According to some Biblical religions, if you see a woman and you think, “she would never go out with me”, and you rape her instead, you got yourself a wife.

* Twenty three women I swiped for on Tinder swiped me back, leading to ten Tinder conversations and one phoner.

* A Daf Yomi joke: I tried to get some ma’amar but all she’d let me know was halitzah.

* Husband to wife: “Business is down. We need to control our spending.”
Wife: “Why don’t you work harder? Advertise more? You’ve got to spend money to make money.”

* I was in a gorilla suit on Babylon 5 circa 1995 and it was a hot day. I started teetering and an actress pointed me out and they stopped the shoot and took great care of me and gave me the final SAG voucher I needed to join SAG. I was always treated great on set. Many of the actors were friendly, such as Liza Minelli.

* The car that gave me the most pleasure — the Corvette.

* A shaygetz I know used to date the daughter of a leading Conservative rabbi who was friends with John Updike. One day John came by and asked my friend, “Have you screwed her yet?” The shayg ended up converting to Orthodox Judaism.

* Friend: “What’s with this outfit? There’s got to be a better way to dress. You look like you jumped out of a plane and you pulled the rip cord and a Torah floated above you.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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