Alcohol in the hands of the non-alcoholic is a great way to enhance life. In the hands of the alcoholic, it is a great way to extinguish life.
Similarly, fetishes for the non-addict may be the spice of life, but for the addict, they can mean death.
Rob shares at a Sexaholics meeting: “Fetish as obsession. People won’t accept it if you talk about being a sex addict, and within sex addiction, fetish is unacceptable. My specific fetishes are obsessions. Surrender does kill the obsession, whatever my obsession. Our addiction thrives in the dark.”
“My obsession has been cross-dressing. I use that as my drug… I spiraled down into debased activity and acting out.”
I identify with Ron, who says: “Before sex, I remember having certain fantasies. I used to tell my parents, I am going to go dream. I’d lie in bed or sit some place and drift off into fantasies. I started young. It became a way of life. Later on, I used it for boredom and stress. My mind will tend to drift off into these obsessive thoughts.”
Patrick: “When I was four, I saw a picture of a woman tied up and gagged on TV. I had never been so aroused and intrigued in my life. I remember staying up in bed thinking about my teachers, my friends’ mothers, my mom’s friends, tying them up, gagging them and making them my own. That progresses to molestation, abduction and rape. It’s hard to be gentle to your wife, and to live with the shame, when you know you have these fantasies of humiliating women. Pain is not involved. That it excites you more than sex with your wife. There’s a cause. My therapist thinks it is my pacifier being taken away.”
“I know I’m not alone. All these internet sites are not just for me.”