Most of the people around us see us more clearly than we do. As we get older, we might find it easier to let go of the barriers we keep up against admitting the truth, and seek help. Most everything we need to do has been told to us by friends, family, employers and strangers, but we couldn’t hear them because our shield against reality was up.
For the past 30 years, people have been telling me, “You’re just angry at your father.” Only in the past year or so have I been able to admit they were right (that I have this anger, I’m not saying anything about whether it was deserved or not). All around me, I see people reacting to their parents in ways that do not serve them. For instance, if you had an emotionally avoidant parent or a time bomb parent, you’re going to shy away from connecting with people emotionally, which leads to an empty life. If you had a domineering parent, you might spend your life needlessly rebelling against legitimate authority.
It’s amazing the insight you get when you ask one who knows about another person who intrigues you, “What’s his/her story?” In two sentences, you can get stunning clarity, perhaps better than you can arrive at over years. A typical analysis of me would yield, “Raised in foster care, terminally insecure.”
Everything people do is for a rational reason based on who they are. If someone is mystifying to you, it’s because you won’t do the work to understand. Men, for instance, just don’t get women and vice versa.
* I’ve always wanted to roll with the popular kids, but have been unable to discipline myself to play by the popular kids rules, never saying anything against the code. The popular kids sometimes deign to play with me, sometimes they even give me a real chance to join, but I always reveal myself to be not one of them.
I wonder when I’ll stop giving off the stray dog vibe?
