* One of the first Jewish traits I took on (inspired by Dennis Prager) circa 1991 was to finish my conversations with, “Be well.”
* New Yorker: “Be prepared, Easterners: L.A. traffic is calm except in the Hollywood and Beverly Hills, which are islands of suitably East Coast sclerotic impatience among the placid sea of the rest of L.A.” They’re also Jewish areas. Patience is not a typical Jewish trait. We want moshiach now!
* It has not worked out for me to tell my girlfriends, “Google it”, but I find it so insulting to be asked questions that can be answered through Google, such as “Why don’t Jews accept Jesus as the Messiah?”
* I just saw a Chinagirl. She said I looked different with the beard. Was it a Jewish holiday where you can’t shave? Yes, I said. She said that we have similar occasions in the Chinese calendar.
* I’m proud to be 1/16th Chinese because I’ve always felt a great kinship with the Chinese people. My great great grandfather on my dad’s side was 100% Chinese and had to be buried outside of the regular cemetery in Townsville, QLD, with the Jews. My lofty ancestor suffered greatly for his race, running smack dab into the Australian policy that two Wongs don’t make a white.
* If you have kids, you’re going to want to locate them in a like-minded moral community. So married people with kids are the most likely to be religious and single people the least likely.
Trying to practice a religion by yourself is like trying to speak a language by yourself. (Mary Ebertstadt)
* “While you were out having a good time, I was busting my ass. I missed out on fun for years in law school and now I can just write a check and get something. I don’t need to make payments. People call me counselor, they don’t say, ‘Bring me a rivet gun.'” (Life advice)
* How is it one can usually tell the Americans in a group? It’s not race but there are distinguishing characteristics such as vitality, freedom, happiness, openness, loud, generosity, great tippers… I’m reaching here. Help me.
* I tend to bully and verbally abuse people when I can get away with it (because that is how I was raised). I prefer to be around those who won’t let me get away with any of this. I don’t like myself when I’m abusing people. On the other hand, I let a lot of people in my life verbally abuse me. I don’t stand up for myself. Instead, I abandon myself. I don’t like being around pathetic people and I’m not thrilled with myself when I act pathetic.
* Good opening lines for meeting women at yoga:
* Great class!
* This was my first class!
* I feel so free and open.
* Man, I’m sore/tired/aching/challenged.
* Where do you go to shul?
* Was that an earthquake?
* I’m supposed to put my foot where?
* You look like you’re a yoga pro.
* This sure beats church.
* There aren’t many TV shows aside from Mad Men where you can revel in bigotry, so I have to go to shul to meet my needs.
* About three years after I submitted it, my favorite professor at UCLA and one of the inspirations for my conversion to Judaism, Russell Roberts just accepted my FB friend request. Everything he ever told me in 1989 about wanting to accomplish, all the books in his head, have now become a reality. I read them and I remember where we stood talking at UCLA when he told me about this idea.
* How can I leverage my Klout score of 64 (and my groundbreaking decade of blogging on an entertainment genre) into real money?
* A Persian just asked me, “How come you don’t put on cologne? I’ve never seen an American guy put it on.” You hang around Persian men and the air is rich with scent. I hope you don’t have allergies. Some of my non-Persian friends get headaches and avoid certain shuls because of this.