The Glories Of Judaism

I grew up a Christian and nobody I knew mocked converts to Christianity. Rather, they were extolled. I converted to Orthodox Judaism and I feel most at home with a crowd that mocks me constantly for my conversion, says I’m a dumb ass, and talks constantly about how much they hate their religion and their gartels and their rituals and their restrictions.

I ran into a yid today who told me how stupid Lag B’Omer is and how he’s taking his kids to the zoo instead because they’ll be free from Jews there. I have an inexhaustible appetite for dark Jewish humor.

What other religion aside from Judaism mocks converts (I have no objections to this, I enjoy the ribbing) and by my estimate, at least half of the Orthodox I know say they hate their religion and only do it because they feel stuck? I get a kick out of this distinctly Jewish brand of bitterness, it feels straight from the Torah.

I was shocked at shul today. The rabbi was teaching Talmud and called out the name of someone in the shul who would appreciate this particular passage, and so we went outside to get him. The bloke comes in. The rabbi says, Joe*, you’ll appreciate this and starts explaining a particular passage and the chosen one laughs, shakes his head, waves his hand dismissively, and walks back outside to continue his conversation. In what other religion do its clergy get so routinely dissed? If the rabbi ever said my name and said I’d appreciate a particular passage, I’d crawl over glass on my bare knees to sit at his feet.

Here’s a conversation I would never have with someone born Jewish:

How do you do?

4:43pm
Luke Ford
good, u?

4:45pm
I’m doing pretty good. If I may ask, are you what people call Orthodox?

4:46pm
Luke Ford
yes

4:48pm
That’s very good. I was not raised Jewish nor were my parents so I assume I am a Noahide.
May I ask a request?

4:52pm
Luke Ford
ok
stop being so tentative, just state what you want, no need to be polite

5:10pm
Tov Luke, my request is:

5:11pm
You might being doing this already, I don’t know, but, can you pray to HaShem every day that He bring the entire Messianic age as soon as possible without anything bad happening whatsoever and every day you do your best or at least try to do your best to follow as much mitzvot as you can and also encourage others to do the same?

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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