* I tend to cling through hell and high water. Because of my fear of abandonment, I put up with more abuse than most BFs, so GFs to get rid of me, have to go bang someone else, at which point, I lose my mind and don’t crawl back for at least a few weeks.
* Do you do things to deliberately wound the people you love most in the very places where they are most vulnerable? Then you are part of the 100%. It’s normal relationship/marital sadism. Abnormal sadism means calling the police, drowning their laptop, getting them fired, etc.
* We marry the person who will hurt us most deeply. That’s the point of marriage, to experience your deepest fears, to marry the parent who most wounded you, and perhaps to heal.
* That you don’t feel abandoned has nothing to do with whether you were. We develop psychological defenses as children so we don’t have to feel the bad stuff. As we grow up, these defenses however interfere with normal human growth.
* When your abandonment issues kick in, you’re going to act drunk. You’ll be irrational and accusatory. You’ll likely be paired up with someone who distances and abandons. How should you react when somebody is out of control? Back away and get space.
* Dad is working, mom is in bed depressed. Child develops abandonment issues, falls in love with psychological terrorists.
* When someone important to you starts backing away, how do you react? Do you cut them out of your life to avoid pain to yourself? Do you try to be perfect so they will come back to you? Or do you snoop to try to understand what is going on? Do you threaten? Do you issue non-negotiable demands? These have been my responses (the most common has been for me to cut the person out of my life).
* I bought a bunch of fruity calorie-free mineral water last night because I hear the bubbles fill you up and I can get back to my Stayin’ Alive weight.
* And so it begins — I just deleted the photo of the blonde biting my tzitzit.
* For years I conducted purges of my Facebook friends akin to the show trials of Joseph Stalin, but eventually I learned to stop hating and to start embracing the on rushing tide of friends that my charisma commands.
* I never fully became comfortable with cursive, in large part because my block script was hard enough to read. I started telling people in the 1980s that cursive skills were not important as computers were taking over our writing.
* I’m watching In Treatment while I pump iron and chat on FB, and I’m realizing I must be abnormal because I have never yelled at my therapist or said anything hostile, ever!
* A few years ago, my GF told me, “A girl came over Friday night and we played around. How do you feel about that?” I hung up. She wanted to get rid of me. After a few weeks of discussing this in therapy, my therp (with whom I was in love along with loving my GF and some women at yoga) suggested I write out my feelings and email them to my GF, which I did at great length. I found out later that she deleted the email after reading the first line. I tend to get quite long-winded in love and loss.
