I just got this:
“Luke Ford? LUKE FORD? he’s repulsive! He’s disgusting!” Luckily, X (not who you think) is a liberal, so she did not shoot me for even suggesting you as a possible match.
This is one of those phenomenon. Why do women despise Luke?
Granted, he suffers from an acute verbal diarrhea- nothing that a good size Harem cannot fix. But Luke has all the qualities women look for in a good husband:
He is a good provider (Facebook shares are going up) and producer (5 status updates per minute) and is good looking, come on now! Those pics are not from the 70’s!
But wait! there’s more:
Luke puts other’s rights (“The public has the right to know”) before his own (right to remain silent) and really cares about women. And the way they look. Minus the women.
So why is it that Luke is 46 and is still not married?
I found the perfect partner for my moshiach dance on Friday nights. She keeps strict Shabbos and kashrut. She loves the rebbe. Her parents adore me. They say we can live with them until she finishes high school and I finish my new book on eroticized rage, whichever comes last. There’s only one hitch. She doesn’t always wear stockings.
A great sage tells me: Your problem has always been that you aim too high and when in the past you somehow miraculously managed to insert yourself into a real woman’s life when she is vulnerable — think Holly Randal — you rejected her, possibly thinking that there would always be another better and possibly Jewish version of her down the road. It does not work like that my friend, not for women and not for men, either. (Unless we are comparing the prospects of an impoverished 25 year old man with his very successful 35 year old self, which does not apply here. You were more successful at 35 than you are at 46.) So stop trying to get a rabbi’s wife to arrange a marriage for you. Even if she finds someone, you know it will be some “age appropriate” woman. What to do?
1. Move to the 3rd World. I have read that Medellin is full of women of great beauty.
2. Go yellow while you still have that option.
3. Answer ads on your local Craigslist and accept whatever comes your way as the best you can do at this point in your life.
4. Do what I have done, and simply drop the whole matter.
