I Have A Hard Time With Eye Contact

I have a hard time with eye contact when walking up to a person I know. If the person is a good friend or a stranger, it’s no problem, but if there’s anything troubled in our relationship or if I like her too much, I get nervous. I don’t want to maintain eye contact. I want to look away. But either option feels forced and uncomfortable. I think I didn’t get much reflection as an infant, didn’t lock eyes with my mom in my second and third year, and something’s broken as a result. So I either stare or forcefully look away. I’m sure there’s some name for this syndrome.

I first noticed my problem in 10th grade, the first year I went to public school. Prior to that, I was in a Seventh-Day Adventist cocoon and never noticed feeling uncomfortable when I saw somebody I knew walking towards me. But at public school, I started feeling uncomfortable when I wasn’t sure how to respond. How friendly should I be? How much eye contact should I maintain? If the person was a friend, it was no problem. I didn’t feel nervous. But if the person wasn’t a friend but I knew him, then I got all nervous and looked away or stared too hard and I felt myself tensing up. Do I wave? Do I acknowledge the other person? Do I wait for him to acknowledge me? What if he didn’t like something I wrote in the school newspaper? Do I always have to say hi first? Do I have the strength to wait for him to say something?

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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