My friend keeps pushing me to ask out various women I find attractive. “But she didn’t give me any IOIs,” I wail. “There’s no point.”
“What’s an IOI?” he asks.
“Indicator of Interest like asking unnecessary questions, touching you unnecessarily, hanging around you unnecessarily. These girls, they never click “like” on my FB posts. They have no interest.”
“You should give me your username and password,” says my friend. “I’ll go on your FB and clean everything up and do your PR. You have the worst PR in the world. Everyone thinks you’re a misogynist. What’s a misogynist?”
“Someone who hates women.”
“Someone who hurts women?”
“Sometimes.”
“Listen, I’ll go on and there and I’ll ask her about the Sukkah party. How you were sorry you couldn’t make it because a friend had asked you and would she like to have coffee Sunday night? OK? You have such cute cheeks. I want to pinch them.”
“Don’t touch me. You’re a sick sick man and so is your boss.”
“Religious girls don’t give IOIs. They don’t touch men in public. They don’t talk to men in public or they’ll be regarded as sluts. This girl, she told me not to talk to her while rabbis were around, because it might hurt her shiduchim. I think you’re afraid of rejection. When did you last ask someone out?”
“About 17 months ago.”
“Do you think the rebbetzin gave the rabbi IOIs before they went out? Do you think she was touching him unnecessarily?”
