That it was not for me. It was a bridge too far. I was constitutionally not cut out for such work. I had no artistic skills and no business skills. I was not a leader of men. I was not an organizer.
I prefer being an observer rather than an actor.
I learned how powerful environment is. When you step on to a set, it all seems normal. When you step into yoga or a church or a shul, it all seems normal. Just being in a **** space changes you, desensitizes you. Many options in life rapidly snap shut. You’re pushed towards choices you don’t want. You form ties with people who you then try to keep out of your real life. you get slimed.
There’s no point in being around **** unless you get to **** the girls. If I had become a director, I could’ve ****** the girls as much as I wanted but I was too timid, too tender, for that. I didn’t have the emotional resources to handle such *******. I would’ve fallen in love and become a Captain Save A Ho, which would never work. My true life was in Judaism. **** was just a mine I descended every morning to earn a living and then I came up every night and tried to forget everything I had done.
