Step Two Of The Twelve Steps

I accept that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.

Step One Step Three Step Four

When I was an atheist (from age 18-22), I had bosses in landscaping who were pentacostals. They thought I acted like a good Christian and couldn’t understand my atheism.

“I want to do what I want to do,” I told them. “I don’t want to subordinate myself to God.”

I’ve always been in rebellion against being told what to do. Only since I realized at age 22 that my own inclinations would destroy me have I been able to accept the dictates of organized religion. Only when I had no other choice.

God is the only ends you can pursue without limiting yourself, without worshiping an idol.

I notice that the religious people around me, Jewish and goyish, don’t have the problems that I do (most of which spring from my selfish desire to do what I want, screw everyone else).

I see this in movies and TV. When characters don’t have over-arching purpose, they’re highly likely to destroy themselves by pursuing their own desires.

I can look to people around to see what a God-centered life can achieve.

Much of who I am and what I do has been shaped by my addictions and most of the time, I did not even know it.

I need to keep returning to authentic human connection, the kind I had at Stephen S. Wise temple and Aish HaTorah.

Psycho-therapy is helping me with connection. I see how I’ve been needlessly cutting people out of my life because I don’t like to negotiate relationships, I don’t like to reveal my emotions, I don’t like to talk things out.

So much of my life has been working at cross-purposes. The porn vs the Torah. Now everything is working together.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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