I want to undo it by reconnecting with people from my past and doing it better. I want a second chance.
Shame is a big thing for me. When I think back upon the past, I often wince. It is often unbearably embarrassing and shameful to me.
I think I’ve sexualized a lot of this anxiety, and I have tried to solve many of these emotions through having as much sex as possible.
I keep thinking I am so much further along than the awkward loser I used to be, that I am so much more mature, that I can do it better now.
I’m eager to engage many people from my childhood to try to make myself feel better that I’ve changed, matured, grown wiser and kinder.
In such interactions, I often gain an increased measure of peace about myself and my life choices and my frailties.
Greg Leake emails: Hi Luke,
I don’t think I have ever known anyone who has worked as hard as you have to redeem themselves and solve psychological quirks that may have led them into things they regret.
You have worked with this sexaholic organization, you have worked diligently to become an Alexander Technique teacher, you gave up your business and rigorously live the life of an observant Jew. The work that you have put into trying to resolve your difficulties and be a better Luke Ford is really remarkable and admirable.
I hope your friends realize that if anyone has recognized their misdeeds and worked to become a better person, it is you. I didn’t mention the years of psychology.
If work and effort and conscientiousness and concern can help make a human being a better person, then you are an example for us all.