Because I’m Luke Ford

A friend writes:

Hi,I’m Luke Ford and I just love attention…any kind of attention…from anyone,really… .the random fair dinkum lost souls who wander into my chatroom to spice up their boring lives..and bitch abt this ‘n that,while endlessly commenting on my not so novel anymore beard and green tea jugs that I use as dumbbells…to the random ladies who get paid to stick needles in me and those who I pay(ok,maybe not in cash, bec I live off Google adsense) to come into the hovel and listen to old 80’s tunes on youtube which fell off the charts about 25 years ago…..never to be heard again except here ladies, because I’m so darn interesting,they never get bored with me…
I mean,lets be real…I’m super smart and sexy a la Russell Crowe and such a pretty boy…..even though my twink days are long gone…and i’m flailing…..
Sometimes I just get up and leave in the middle of Kiddish(but not before I pile my plate w cookies and fruit) since I can’t stand saying goodbye to some of the ppl at my shul because this sort of one-on-one intimacy is just excruciating to me….but nevertheless, I stroll,I mean -swagger down Pico blvd with the kind of confidence reserved only to PUA’s like Neill Strauss who wrote my favorite book ‘The Game'(copy,paste link,ofcourse).
(but that doesn’t mean I want to emulate that stuff,heaven forbid I try to manipulate a woman into bed,that would be immoral…and I’m your moral leader!)
I’m utterly fascinated by female journalists,like Danielle Berrin,even though she has a hard time construing sentences…that make any sense…where is her editor? I should be her editor… and her English Lit. professor…(hot!)and Orit Arfa,well,she’s hot too…but she knows nothin’,nada,niente about what men want…and they certainly don’t want to hear a women ramble on about politics!
 Oh yeah,and I also recently had the attention of a really young lass…well,praise the good lord I took her name off the title bar of my blog…I mean…I am a serious journalist!  I have  journalistic integrity for crying out loud….And I report only on important newsworthy issues… my feelings! 
And I still have Holly Randall,daughter of link! )ooops…delete that,delete,delete…what if my Rabbi clicks on that …I mean,I get like 500,0000 hits a day and he might just be one of them and then the rabbi will see me now and what a hassle…who needs that?  So,yeah, there’s Holly,who buys me lunch and all the other platonic sheilas,who are maybe dissing me…or maybe not… because…I’m Luke Ford from!!

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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