I have a good friend. She’s an attractive woman. We’ve studied Torah together. We’ve gone to Jewish conferences together. We’ve talked for hours.
People have often said that we are the mirror image of the other.
Yet we’ve never crossed the line. We’ve never had a moment of romance. We’ve never had to conquer our base physical instincts with regard to the other.
Why? People have asked us, “How come you two didn’t date?”
I think we know each other too well. There is no possibility of us objectifying the other. I can’t think of her as just some smoking hottie and she can’t possibly consider me this strong provider. We just have no illusions about the other. We each realize how deeply flawed the other is so it has always been impossible for us to fantasize.
Romantic love relies upon ascribing all sorts of qualities to the beloved that are not there. That are just a figment of our imagination. That are just projections of our fantasies.
When you know the other person is congenitally broken and will bring misery in his/her wake, it’s hard to lie in bed and to dream that he/she will fix you.