I Suffer From Oneitis

When I meet a great girl, I tend to moon about her for weeks and months. This mooning, this fantasizing, this attaching of magical qualities to her does not generally endear me to the object of my desire and just hastens her rejection and my subsequent depression.

When I attain the object of my desire, what then? I feel deliriously happy. I float for weeks, even months. Then I come back to earth and realize the work ahead.

According to the Urban Dictionary:

Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion; she is the same as the other three or so billion. “Go **** ten other women” is the most commonly prescribed treatment for this “disease” (hence the “itis”), as it tends to show quite quickly how very alike people are.

In other words, get over yourself and your obsession with that girl, because it’s just an illusion. And when you get rejected, don’t be depressed. Because there’s really not much to worry about.

Dude, you definitely have oneitis for that girl. You’ve been talking about her nonstop for the past week. Don’t you realize she’s nothing special, and that you are just being fooled? Snap out of it so you won’t be so depressed when she rejects you!

I often think that one woman is special and that I don’t want to live without her. I call her often, think about her often, and read lovesick stories about her to my writing group until they cry uncle and challenge me to write from her perspective.

Oneitis is my natural state. I prefer to be fixated on one woman. Being an equal opportunity predator is not my style.

A normal burst of oneitis hits me for months. I’m down for the count as far as other women are concerned.

I won’t call oneitis love. I won’t call it anything. I’ll just say that I tend to get fixated on one woman to the exclusion of all others. When this is part of a relationship, it’s is a good thing. When not, it sucks.

I wonder if oneitis is an escape from intimacy? If I can’t be with the one I love, I’m not much interested in anyone else. I’d rather be on my own with my Air Supply DVDs and my blog.

PS. I’ve dated many women of quality who did not prove to be disappointments. They contained all the magic I ascribed to them. In the end, I either decided we were not compatible or she did.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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