My Subtle Low-Grade Depression

I went off nardil in 1999 without ill effect, but reading this Wikipedia paragraph makes me think that I have tendencies towards dysthymia aka subtle low-grade depression.

When I get excited about something, my depression lifts, but when I have setbacks, I get easily discouraged.

My depression is never so bad that I don’t want to participate in life. If I have the energy, out I go. Without fail. If I don’t have the energy, then I get depressed that life is passing me by. Friends marry, have kids and take on mortgages while I blog endlessly about my feelings.

If I have dysthmia, how does it negatively affect my life? I probably take fewer chances than would be healthy. I probably reach out to other people less and connect less and stay home more. At social gatherings, I extend myself less and say hello to fewer people.

When I struggle to earn a living, I collapse within. I rarely have the strength to initiate connection. It’s particularly hard for me to approach women.

What do my monetary troubles tell me? That I have severe character flaws and an inability to connect normally with others. My monetary troubles are a mirror to my painful personal shortcomings.

I feel like I am on the right path with my life. I am excited about my religious community, my friends, my education in Alexander Technique, and my weekly writing workshop.

Heaven can wait.

Doing things that I love, having creative outlets, speaking my truth, these are among my paths out of depression. The more things I can get passionate about in real life, the better.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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