How A Woman Takes A Shower

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LeahKleim:  Im tempted to start a chat room. I need an accomplice though
YourMoralLeader:  This can be your chat room too
YourMoralLeader:  We have the same mission
YourMoralLeader:  tikkun olam
LeahKleim:  I know we do. i support your madness.
LeahKleim:  I dont do sports. i use to hang with the miami heat and he dolphins , other than that I knoe nada about sports
zappa:  How to Shower Like a Woman…. 
zappa:  Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
zappa:  If you see husband along the way cover up any exposed areas
LeahKleim:   we should write a book. My perspective as as someone who grew up ultra frum. Your perspective, someone coming in and having issues and obstacles. well have to use spell check on me though because i have an all star yeshiva education
YourMoralLeader:  sounds good
zappa:  Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
LeahKleim:  im serious !
zappa:  Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg,cloth. long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
LeahKleim:  I have a perfect body…almost. 36′ 26’36’
YourMoralLeader:  let me do some thinking, but it’s very tempting
zappa:  Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins
LeahKleim:  my hair is beautiful too
zappa:  Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean
zappa:  Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.
LeahKleim:   i have been on pre-natal vitamins for 9 and a half yaers
zappa:  Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
YourMoralLeader:  how much time do you put into your appearance every day leah?
LeahKleim:  i condition it with avacado, mayonaise, and beer
zappa:  Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
LeahKleim:  about a whole 10 minutes
zappa:  Rinse conditioner off hair.
zappa:  Shave armpits and legs.
LeahKleim:  if i put more time in i would be truly irasitable and get raped
zappa:  Turn off shower.
LeahKleim:  i shave every day
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, thanks to your upbringing, you can’t fit in with the goyim and the non-frum yidden
zappa:  Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
LeahKleim:  i know
zappa:  Spray mold spots with Tilex.
LeahKleim:  the maid does that
zappa:  Get out of shower and stand on bathmat
LeahKleim:  Im a jewish princess, I dont clesn
SamoverRebbe:  Leah, let me cut to the chase: you divorce you shagetz of a husband and marry Luke
zappa:  Dry with towel the size of a small country.
LeahKleim:  Luke is to good for me
zappa:  Wrap hair in super absorbent towel
zappa:  Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
SamoverRebbe:  If it would make you feel better, he could cheat on you with other women
LeahKleim:  I dont dry myself with a towel. I drip dry. It moisterizes your skin.
SamoverRebbe:  I see you working hard to support him
zappa:  How to Shower Like a Man…
YourMoralLeader:  Are you capable of monogamy Leah?
LeahKleim:  get in shower, beat off
LeahKleim:  yes
zappa:  Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
LeahKleim:  throw them across the room
zappa:  Walk naked to the bathroom.
LeahKleim:  i always do
zappa:  If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound
zappa:  Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
LeahKleim:  why ? this wife brings the other girl home
zappa:  Admire the size of wiener and scratch your butt.
LeahKleim:  thats nasty
zappa:  Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
zappa:  Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
LeahKleim:  get in the shower with your wife
zappa:  Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
zappa:  Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
zappa:  Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap
zappa:  Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk
SamoverRebbe:  Leah, this could be a Jewish home.  All it needs is a Jewish woman’s touch.
LeahKleim:  that is a recipe for divorce
zappa:  Pee.
SamoverRebbe:  Don’t be defeatist
zappa:  Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
zappa:  Dry off forearms and butt only.
SamoverRebbe:  Leah Kleim, this is the man you are meant to marry
LeahKleim:  and get rejected by your wife. get dressed, go pay hooker
zappa:  Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out or tub the whole time.
SamoverRebbe:  Think of the work the two of you could do on the web as Crusador Jews
zappa:  Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off, chuckle.
zappa:  Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on
LeahKleim:  and go back to bathroom and beat off because wife rejected your nasty ass again
SamoverRebbe:  Get rid of the racial self-hatred, Leah.  Besides, Luke has the goyishe genes you crave.
zappa:  Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
zappa:  If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.
zappa:  Throw towel on bed.
LeahKleim:  i dont crave goyishe genes at all, it was a mistake i fell for, so i embraced it and enjoyed it
zappa:  Now, if there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
LeahKleim:  the sad truth is that , that is the life of a married jewish guy
LeahKleim:  Levi, do you regret converting?
guest300:  Leah, are you looking for a Shofar?
LeahKleim:  no, I dont need any tekua, terima
LeahKleim:  my doc gave me viagra
guest300:  why you take Viagra, Leah, can’t get it up anymore?
LeahKleim:  hell no. guys wanted it. he gives me what ever i ask for
LeahKleim:  he likes to listen to me breath and check my spine while im bent over his table
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, no I don’t regret
YourMoralLeader:  Most of my regrets are of my own moral weakness, tendency to take the lazy way out
SamoverRebbe:  Admit that you have Shaegetz fever, Leah, and acknowledge that with Luke you have the best of both worlds: Gentile genes (look at that punim!) and a torah-centric world view

guest313:  Dude, who is your favorite Rabbi at the RCC?
YourMoralLeader:  union
RabbiWeil:  I command all you single men to leave this room. There is a single lady. I don’t want you divorced men harrassing her.
StevenCohensBeer:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
User StevenCohensBeer left the room.
RabbiWeil:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
guest313:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
User guest313 left the room.
guest308:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
User guest308 left the room.
guest309:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
User guest309 left the room.
User guest316 ( entered the room.
guest310:  1
guest310:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
User guest310 left the room.
RabbiWeil:  1
guest311:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
User guest311 left the room.
RabbiWeil:  1
RabbiWeil:  Now I can exercise my maximal powers and ban myself….
User RabbiWeil left the room.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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