A friend calls.
I confess my sins.
Friend: "What kind of Orthodox Jew are you?"
Luke: "A horny one."
Friend: "I can’t wait till you give it up.
"You could be extremely dangerous. I see you in ten years as some kind of secret agent for the Vatican. You’ll say, ‘I saw it from the inside. I saw them take an infant from an incubator and suck its blood to make matza. I was on the inside.’
"I can’t wait for your book. It’ll be on DavidDuke.com/lukeistruth.
"You don’t see yourself in a Da Vinci Code double agent role?
"You’ll say, ‘I saw Jewish doctors give Gentile babies tay-sachs so they can kill the kids quickly to get the blood for the matza.’
"’I was a candy striper at Ceders-Sinai. I saw Operation Nine Days of Light. It’s all an attempt to lessen our dependence on Saudi oil by powering the grid with Gentile blood.’"
My friend then suggested a Jeff’s Gourmet eat-off contest between two prominent and rotund Pico/Robertson Orthodox rabbis.
Because I recently studied Jewish laws against shame, I will not publish their names. Just use your imagination. What a fundraiser!