‘What Kind Of Orthodox Jew Are You?’

A friend calls.

I confess my sins.

Friend: "What kind of Orthodox Jew are you?"

He’s irate.

Luke: "A horny one."

Friend: "I can’t wait till you give it up.

"You could be extremely dangerous. I see you in ten years as some kind of secret agent for the Vatican. You’ll say, ‘I saw it from the inside. I saw them take an infant from an incubator and suck its blood to make matza. I was on the inside.’

"I can’t wait for your book. It’ll be on DavidDuke.com/lukeistruth.

"You don’t see yourself in a Da Vinci Code double agent role?

"You’ll say, ‘I saw Jewish doctors give Gentile babies tay-sachs so they can kill the kids quickly to get the blood for the matza.’

"’I was a candy striper at Ceders-Sinai. I saw Operation Nine Days of Light. It’s all an attempt to lessen our dependence on Saudi oil by powering the grid with Gentile blood.’"

My friend then suggested a Jeff’s Gourmet eat-off contest between two prominent and rotund Pico/Robertson Orthodox rabbis.

Because I recently studied Jewish laws against shame, I will not publish their names. Just use your imagination. What a fundraiser!

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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