I’m Live On My Cam!

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I’ve missed you guys.

guest3:  meet any ladies over the break?
Guest23:  What are we listening to?
YourMoralLeader:  scorpions
Guest23:  I’m dying for a slice of white bread
Guest23:  with a shmear of peanut butter
Guest23:  How was your "hog"?
Guest23:  Heard that Weil’s not leaving us….
YourMoralLeader:  what?
Guest23:  yet
YourMoralLeader:  no way?
YourMoralLeader:  it was OK
YourMoralLeader:  yours?
YourMoralLeader:  r u gina?
Guest23:  I’ll be whomever you want me to be
Guest23:  Did you miss Emma horibbly over the past 3 days?
Guest23:  I did
Guest23:  I especially missed the horses
YourMoralLeader:  horribly
Guest23:  absence makes ….
YourMoralLeader:  true
Guest23:  the heart…..
Guest23:  go into cardiac arrest
Guest23:  may have to call Hatzalah and have you resucitated
Guest23:  techiat hameytim
Guest23:  Did you get what you wanted for afikomen?
YourMoralLeader:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  i found the whole thing a bore and a chore
Guest23:  too long?
Guest23:  did you do the first seder?
YourMoralLeader:  yes, I led it
Guest23:  any followers?
YourMoralLeader:  I’m not in a good space with my Judaism.
YourMoralLeader:  1
YourMoralLeader:  I feel on the margins and act in ways to keep myself there.
Guest23:  sorry. that must be a very tough place to be
YourMoralLeader:  I have little concentration for the shiurim let alone the davening and the rituals
Guest23:  3 day holidays can do that to you
YourMoralLeader:  I’m not even concentrating on the books I’m reading in shul
Guest23:  maybe you should only go to every other prayer session
YourMoralLeader:  I’m just thinking about: In Order: Sex, money, power, self-assertion, survival, social status
Guest23:  interesting order
YourMoralLeader:  I used to get invited to really cool seders but I blew all those relationships up, I fear.
Guest23:  religion is no where on the list?
YourMoralLeader:  In my fantasy life, it’s not showing up much.
Guest23:  start new ones
YourMoralLeader:  I will, I’m doing the actions, the heart will follow.
Guest23:  takes a while
Guest23:  a lot of patience
Guest23:  don’t give up…. Chaim Amalak has faith in you
Guest23:  as do I
Guest23:  don’t passover the religion
Guest23:  shavuot is coming….
YourMoralLeader:  I love shuvuot
Guest23:  flowers and cheescake…what could be bad?
User guest8 left the room.
Guest23:  I find it interesting that social status made the list
YourMoralLeader:  I’m always thinking about that, I hate feeling like a loser and I often feel like a loser, particularly in Orthodox Judaism.
YourMoralLeader:  No marriage, no woman, no cry.
YourMoralLeader:  I want someone to cherish and she in turn will cook and clean for me!
Guest23:  you need marriage and woman to cry?
Guest23:  I sound like Russian Dragon now lol
Guest23:  Dragon
Guest23:  and I type like him too!
Guest23:  sat out in the sun today…
YourMoralLeader:  yay
Guest23:  and thought of you
YourMoralLeader:  was your cam on?
Guest23:  in my mind… did you see me?
YourMoralLeader:  yes!
Guest23:  I tried to be tzenua
Guest23:  covered my knees and elbows
Guest23:  biig turn on don’t you think?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
Guest23:  did you wear your sppedos?
Guest23:  under your tzitzit?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
User guest9 left the room.
Guest23:  Emma seems very tzenua
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  i love that about her
YourMoralLeader:  i’m writing up my passover in emotional terms rather than specifics so I don’t offend anyone
Guest23:  what do you think is the one thing she simply adores about you?
Guest23:  I know she is drawn to what she perceives is your realness
Guest23:  sincerity,honesty and Aussie wit
Guest23:  plus she loves that you have the same taste in music
Guest23:  and she simply adores the Roo tune
Guest23:  maybe she just wants to be tied down
Guest23:  she has a free spirit
Guest23:  that is pure
YourMoralLeader:  i agreeeeeeeeeeeeeee
YourMoralLeader:  I adore her
YourMoralLeader:  We’re attracted because of the dynamics of our very earliest years, not explicable who turns us on.
Guest23:  I believe you truly do
Guest23:  that superceeds the different generations you both grew up in?
Guest23:  I fear the pensive mood you seem to be in….
Guest23:  should I be concerned?
YourMoralLeader:  nah, gonna write it out
Guest23:  thats good. you don’t seem to have the energy for excercise
Guest23:  and you probably are all out of grape juice
Guest23:  matzah is very constipating
Guest23:  you must do some of your best writing now…
Guest23:  all that stored up creativity just bursting to get out
YourMoralLeader:  🙂
Guest23:  can’t wait to read your pearls of wisdom
Guest23:  I disect every word because every word has deep meaning
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Guest23:  Emma’s favorite blog jargon is lol and / or lmao
Guest23:  you two are rubbing off on each other
Guest23:  You’re past 3 days is quite depressing…
Guest23:  putting me in a funk
Guest23:  that plus the death of the lukeford.com site owner
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Guest23:  you should go to the happy minyan and GET HAPPY
YourMoralLeader:  I prefer to write about dark emotions, the other emotions I enjoy, but don’t feel driven to write about
Guest23:  does writing dark give you inner joy?
Guest23:  put you in touch with your dark side?
Guest23:  that gives me perverse happiness
Guest23:  once you’ve been black…
Guest23:  there’s no going back
Guest23:  you’d make an awesome goth
Guest23:  you don’t wear enough black
Guest23:  ask Emma about eyelash tinting
YourMoralLeader:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  you get it!
Guest23:  I don’t get enuff of it!
Guest23:  Emma and Chavi = interesting pair
Guest23:  loved your line asking if her Mom was at the mik when she converted
YourMoralLeader:  lol
guest10:  Is this the longest Emma withdrawal?
guest10:  they should make a patch for that
Guest23:  Heard that Ralphs sold out of the square matzohs several weeks ago
Guest23:  cuz they started selling hem right after Purim… to early
YourMoralLeader:  ahh
YourMoralLeader:  Emma Interruptus
Guest23:  Could I trouble you to play tiet me kangaroo down sport…
Guest23:  pretty please?
Guest23:  My Hallel did not really go to well with that tune!
Guest23:  and the strange look from my Rabbi was embarrasing to say the least
Guest23:  He does not get it
guest10:  I had more than 4 questions….
guest10:  big dilemma
guest10:  emma dilemma
Guest23:  Could I trouble you to play tiet me kangaroo down sport…
Guest23:  pretty please?
Guest23:  My Hallel did not really go to well with that tune!
Guest23:  and the strange look from my Rabbi was embarrasing to say the least
Guest23:  He does not get it
guest10:  I had more than 4 questions….
guest10:  big dilemma
guest10:  emma dilemma
Guest23:  I’m in Aussie Roo Heaven!! multiple!!!
Guest23:  I actually think its a great niggun
Guest23:  gr8 beat and you can squeeze in a dvar torah
guest10:  encourages group participation… at least a minyan
guest10:  alla tzoo zamen = all together now
guest10:  I think I prefer the morose Luke better…..
guest10:  don’t get tooooooo happy now
guest10:  btw I saw a scrap of bread on top of your dresser
guest10:  wondering how the heck it got there
guest10:  I think you are emotionally attached to your carpet sweeper
guest10:  you seem hypnotized by the back and forth
guest10:  how do you react to the vacumm?
guest10:  too much power for you to handle?
guest10:  less control?
guest10:  you are suppposed to pour some toxic fluid on the chametz you find in your possession on Pesach
guest10:  so that it is inedible
YourMoralLeader:  oh
guest10:  even to a dog
guest10:  or horse
guest10:  I sure hope Emma mare has a refuah shelema
guest10:  I pray for her
guest10:  I said a misheberach in shul
YourMoralLeader:  emma had to give her up
YourMoralLeader:  needs $$ expensive help
guest10:  oh… thats sad
guest10:  really
guest10:  her Aunt couldn’t help out?
guest10:  once she was unable to ride her, the battle was lost
YourMoralLeader:  yeah
YourMoralLeader:  I’m the same way
guest10:  but you will be a good replacement
guest10:  she will be gentle riding you
YourMoralLeader:  Welcome rabbi
YourMoralLeader:  please G-d
YourMoralLeader:  If we have trouble with that, we’ll go to Rebbitzen Feller
guest10:  we have mezumin
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  seidler-feller to you
YourMoralLeader:  sorry
guest10:  Rabboisi meer velin bentchin
guest10:  Rubber tires never break
guest10:  yehe shame on you
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  how’s the transliteration working out for you, luke
YourMoralLeader:  oy ve
YourMoralLeader:  I hate that stuff
YourMoralLeader:  prefer to struggle with the holy letters
guest10:  fake it
guest10:  like everyone else
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  how were your seders, luke?
YourMoralLeader:  Ok rabbi, how were yours?
YourMoralLeader:  I was talking about you at one of the seders with one of your critics
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  what was the sob saying
YourMoralLeader:  worse than a kapo?
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  and who would dare question my leadership
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  i want names and addresses
guest10:  smack him!
YourMoralLeader:  Should I trademark "Your Moral Leader"?
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  i’ll bust a cap
QuixoticLass:  you haven’t?
guest10:  no need you own it
YourMoralLeader:  only with the beit din
YourMoralLeader:  and in heaven
QuixoticLass:  you’ve been hit by the great matzah shortage of ’08 as well?
YourMoralLeader:  yep!
QuixoticLass:  I have one box left and my midget army returns tomorrow
guest10:  and Tam tams!
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  how about that chocolate covered matzo?
guest10:  and KY Jelly
YourMoralLeader:  gotta get me some
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  doreen is eating them by the boxful
QuixoticLass:  what will I feed them?
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  it’s going straight to her behind
YourMoralLeader:  sorry
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  no it’s great
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  i love me a ghetto booty
QuixoticLass:  was there anyone in shul this weekend?
QuixoticLass:  I just couldn’t get up.
YourMoralLeader:  not many
QuixoticLass:  3 nights in a row close to 2 am
YourMoralLeader:  i understand
YourMoralLeader:  that’s why i use levitra
YourMoralLeader:  gets me to the shul on time
QuixoticLass:  hee
QuixoticLass:  yakum purkan
QuixoticLass:  arise my salvation
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  i have a girl for you, luke
YourMoralLeader:  Yes rabbi
guest10:  she’s got a nice set of Tam Tams
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  nubile coed cutie
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  are you interested?
QuixoticLass:  duh.
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  should i have her facebook you?
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  she loves shaggy, unkempt men
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  in fact you’ll be the 3rd homeless person she’s dated in a row
guest10:  but does she love to shag?
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  i’ll put it this way — doreen taught her everything there is to know about kosher tantric sex
guest10:  Kabbalah Sex?
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  you know that red string?
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  we use a red rope
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  put on some rolling stones
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  either that or klezmer
guest10:  pour some kosher for passover sugar on me
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  killer shabbat queen
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  jimi hendrix — all along the bimah
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  doors — light my shabbos fire
QuixoticLass:  did you check any stores besides ralphs for matzah?
YourMoralLeader:  no
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  luke i thought you were done with the shiksahs
QuixoticLass:  I have to go check livonia and eilat before work
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:   you sing like a fairy
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  as long as you don’t practice onanism
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  you should be fine
YourMoralLeader:  thank you
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  can i bring you to hillel to speak?
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  luke, i think what you need is a good wingman

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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