Live On My Cam, I’m Smiting My Scrotum With A Stone

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He who is without sin, let him throw the first comment.
EmmaHugeFan:  through cleaning Luke?
YourMoralLeader:  no
Vicky:  It looks rather messy
Vicky:  But I don’t see any mold on the walls
EmmaHugeFan:  you posted you had to clean your "rooms". Which rooms would those be?
guest18:  Sr. Ford, where are you from?
YourMoralLeader:  bathroom and here
YourMoralLeader:  aussie
guest112:  this
guest112:  is
guest112:  a
guest112:  sneezing
guest112:  coughiong
guest112:  wheezing
guest18:  Would you prefer to talk in German then?
guest112:  ?
User guest112 changed their name to RabbiGadol.
guest18:  Sr. Ford, are you from the area around Vienna per chance?
YourMoralLeader:  Help me rabbi, Satan has me by the balls!
RabbiGadol:  I don’t know how.
YourMoralLeader:  Help me, Emma, Satan has me by the balls!
EmmaHugeFan:  guest18 he is australian not austrian
Emma:  I read lol
YourMoralLeader:  Please help me overcome my lustful desires for you
YourMoralLeader:  please gain 40 pounds
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  you’d look more jewish then
Emma:  I don’t think so
RabbiGadol:  This is not the way a Jewish man should be.
EmmaHugeFan:  smite your scrotum with a stone luke. that will cure what ails you
Emma:  Hi Rabbi
RabbiGadol:  Luke, why do you libel Jewish women so?
RabbiGadol:  Were you not born to a Jewish woman?
RabbiGadol:  Sorry, I forgot.
RabbiGadol:  Emma, please state your intentions with respect to Luke
RabbiGadol:  I hate to see you taking advantage of him
RabbiGadol:  Which would be very easy for you to do
Emma:  I already have Rabbi
RabbiGadol:  He has aspirations
Emma:  I dont have to explain myself
YourMoralLeader:  exactly!
RabbiGadol:  Levi, I know this sounds extreme, but whenever you think about her, masturbate until the feeling ebbs and you can resume fiddling with your ad on Jdate
YourMoralLeader:  Thank you rabbi
YourMoralLeader:  Does anyone know if Russian Dragon is still alive?
Emma:  Of course he is
Emma:  Why wouldnt he be
RabbiGadol:  But to avoid spilling your seed on the ground, which the Torah forbids, spill it into a cup and drink it, which the Torah does not forbid.
RabbiGadol:  Luke, Levi, you stopped attending my classes.  Why? 
YourMoralLeader:  too busy rabbi
YourMoralLeader:  on my cam
RabbiGadol:  This is just like being an alcoholic, this craving for young shiksa flesh.  It must be fought endlessly
Emma:  lol
inbal:  whats with the beard?
YourMoralLeader:  it is a sign of my dedication to Torah
ElCojones:  did you get that shirt in high school luke?
inbal:  plenty of dedicated people are cleanshaven
YourMoralLeader:  elementary school
RabbiGadol:  It starts with a chat.
YourMoralLeader:  I question that, Inbal
inbal:  how so?
RabbiGadol:  clean shaven leads to dancing with shiksas
RabbiGadol:  The 911 hijackers were clean shaven, all of them
inbal:  true
inbal:  got to go
inbal:  but i shall return!
inbal:  smile!
RabbiGadol:  Emma, are you willing to eat matzah this passover to the exclusion of bread?  It would be good practice for you.
RabbiGadol:  A dry, tasteless food that Jews eat on Passover
RabbiGadol:  Are you willing?
Emma:  Sure
YourMoralLeader:  yay
YourMoralLeader:  She’ll try anything once!
Emma:  True
RabbiGadol:  Self release Luke.  Release the force.
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Yes be strong Luke
RabbiGadol:  Do this twice a day whenever you feel that Satan has you by your scrotum
RabbiGadol:  Emma, are you sure you are 18 and not 17 or 16?
Emma:  Positive

RabbiGadol:  Because if you were, Luke could end up in prison
Emma:  For?
ElCojones:  We might see Luke on 48hrs
RabbiGadol:  "To catch a blogger"
Emma:  Love that song…
Emma:  Ace of base!
RabbiGadol:  "Mister Ford, did you know that this girl was 14?"
RabbiGadol:  "But she didn’t look a day under 17!"
RabbiGadol:  Sigh….try to focus on cleaning up and thechometz
RabbiGadol:  The Holy Father will be here soon
DennisPrager:  Not sure how I ended up on your cam stream, but I’m not stalking you!
YourMoralLeader:  Hi Dennis
YourMoralLeader:  You’re my moral leader
YourMoralLeader:  Everything I am today is because of you!
YourMoralLeader:  Even though I was never a pupil nor a friend.
User RabbiGadol left the room.
DennisPrager:  wWere you at my roast?
YourMoralLeader:  No, how did it go?
DennisPrager:  I was I was humbled
YourMoralLeader:  no
YourMoralLeader:  That is not like you
DennisPrager:  My ex was there….scared the hell out of me!
DennisPrager:  My broadcast is going international?  I’m excited!
YourMoralLeader:  I’m sorry about any misunderstandings we’ve had over the years.
YourMoralLeader:  I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you.
DennisPrager:  We’re both naricissitic sociopaths!  I love ya too.
Emma:  awwww
ElCojones:  hate to break this to you Dennis- but Luke debuted international
ElCojones:  what are you stroking just off camera luke?
YourMoralLeader:  Dennis, Satan has me by the balls. What should I do?
Emma:  Grab his
YourMoralLeader:  18 and Irish – dangerous curves ahead!
Emma:  lol
ElCojones:  thats an awfully limp wrist there
DennisPrager:  My articles to commentary keep on getting rejected.  Is there no justice in this world?
ElCojones:  Praeger you need to face the music-
ElCojones:  the world has passed you by and Luke Ford is the new face of Judaism today
ChubbyWood:  thats reassuring
ElCojones:  is he wearing a Masonic apron?
ChubbyWood:    I dont see a brick nor a mortor
ElCojones:  or a Mormon garment?
cuntpunt:  I LOVE YOU LUKE!, But I must go now, love the sqats baby
ElCojones:  is that cloth continuous from front to back? it looks like anal floss
ChubbyWood:       its nice to see someone so narcisistic innit
ChubbyWood:   a man that obviously  has so little to do yet finds we would enjoy watching
ChubbyWood:    almost scarey
YourMoralLeader:  almost
ElCojones:  Luke have you asked Emma to loan you money yet?
YourMoralLeader:  not yet, i can only remember once doing that to a woman and it was my ex 1994
YourMoralLeader:  she wanted me to move out of her place only my car was in the shop and i needed $500 to fix it and get it out so I could sleep in it!
Emma:  Whoa I think this has been your longest yet Luke
YourMoralLeader:  All the other money I got from my women, I earned it honestly
YourMoralLeader:  Thank you Emma, I was thinking of you in church.
Emma:  You don’t go to church Luke
YourMoralLeader:  shhhh, don’t tell my rabbi.
ElCojones:  Luke is that the very desk at which you went to war with Tim Case and Brandye Alexander?
DesmondFord:  Why do you blog instead of living a grace-centered life?
YourMoralSchvartze:  that’s the des i love!
ElCojones:  is that the keyboard from which you got Brandye fired from her job at the cemetery?
YourMoralLeader:  I want to earn my way to heaven
YourMoralLeader:  Gina, call me babe
DesmondFord:  I’ll make you a minister yet!
YourMoralSchvartze:  good works are nothing luke
WillieD:  it’s hard to believe that was 10 years ago
DesmondFord:  Why do you wash your soul with legalisms instead of grace?
YourMoralLeader:  insecurity?
WillieD:  luke, seriously, we need you to start showing up at the porn events again…just take some pictures…we don’t care what you have to say
WillieD:  …but the Camera of Death needs to come out of hiding
DesmondFord:  There are ways of recovering your foreskin!
YourMoralSchvartze:  the  CoD is one of the things that makes life worth living
WillieD:  c’mon, you have no soul…remember the photo of randi wright pi**ing on herself?  that was golden…so to speak
DesmondFord:  Marry Emaa  and come back to the faith.
ElCojones:  every song is for emma
guest62:  theme from deep throat?
DesmondFord:  Emma will love you even more if you get back your foreskin.
DesmondFord:  Only a Jewess would have a problem with a foreskin.
ElCojones:  oh- a retraction in progress
ElCojones:  this is blogging at its finest
ElCojones:  this is the face of humility
guest63:  turn the volume up yourmoralleader i love a bit of gossip
guest62:  that dirty laundry on the flor?
ElCojones:  haha principal fu manchu!
ElCojones:  Luke is being pranked
ElCojones:  dont forget to ask them for money Luke
ElCojones:  floof this is live action blogging
floofin:  transcendent, i’m sure
ElCojones:  yeah "I gotta run off"
ElCojones:  run off right to my keyboard
WillieD:  luke, did you know the drummer for def leppard only has one arm?
floofin:  doesn’t stop him from beating his women though, what an overachiever
Emma:  Luke what was your fav subject at school?
YourMoralLeader:  sex ed
Emma:  lol
Emma:  smart ass
YourMoralLeader:  it depended on the teacher but journalism, history

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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