This week’s Torah portion is Vayeira (Genesis 18:1–22:24).
We discuss my Torah Talk with Joey Kurtzman last week.
* Sing my version of “Go West” to inflict massive shock and awe on Rabbs and audience. When they are suitably morally desensitized, I’ll slip in some of the teachings of Dennis Prager.
(Together) We will love the beach
(Together) We will learn and teach
(Together) Change our pace of life
(Together) We will work and strive
* Ask Rabbs what kind of photos would he like to text Jenn Sterger. I’d recommend this one:
Rabbi Rabbs at a heterosexual marriage
* Inquire as to the Torah’s position about texting photos of your private parts.
* Give my opinion that Jenn Sterger’s playing up of her sexuality guarantees that men will primarily relate to her for sex. What type of photos should Favre have sent her? Ones of him and his family and his cancer-survivor wife? What type of photos does the rabbi send when he wants some?
* What did you think of Brett’s little Viking in that Deadspin video? Is Deadspin intrepid journalism or TMI?
* Ask the rabbi to share his experiences as a suicidal gay teen. Inquire if YULA had a gay/lesbian club.
* If teens want to come out with their sexual preferences, then they should expect to get teased and should not get all suicidal about it. Even holy men such as myself have sexual preferences, but we keep them on the down low as the Torah commands. When I marry, it will be special in a way that mockers will never understand.
* Lot is a mirror image of Noach. Better than the sodomites, not as righteous as Rabbs and me.
Dwell extensively on the delicious thrill of saying “Sodom” and “Sodomites.” Is West Hollywood Sodom? Would Rabbs pray to God to spare it from His wrath?
* Engage in great soul-searching about whether or not singing a song by the Pet Shop Boys is the best way to assert my masculinity and heterosexuality?
* Is the Pet Shop Boys song “It’s A Sin” about sodomy? If so, how should the Torah community respond? What if it is great dance music? Is a Torah Jew permitted to dance to songs promoting sodomy so long as he only dances with members of the same sex?
At school they taught me how to be
So pure in thought and word and deed
They didn’t quite succeed
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too
* Ask Rabbs if YULA taught him to pure in thought and word and deed.
* I would’ve liked to have eaten by Avraham. He seemed most hospitable. Which hosts in Pico-Robertson most resemble Avraham? Which hosts most resemble Sodom? Which Pico-Robertson residents are most likely to commit homosexual rape? Force Rabbs to name names or he can’t watch the game (Cliff Lee vs Yankees).
* Avraham teaches goodness to Ishmael by enlisting him to serve the three angels.
* Sodom contrasts with the Torah’s command to love the stranger. Try to wind Rabbs up so he goes off on sodomites.
* Why did Avraham not plead with God to gives the Sodomites a chance to do reparative therapy and repent. Bible scholars say that repentance was not invented until the prophets (Jonah and company).
Once bad behavior becomes legalized, repentance is not possible.
* Morality comes from God. He is the source of right and wrong. Even if the sodomites believe that sodomy is peachy, God hates these loafer-wearing nancy boys.
* Genesis 19:1. Lot was a big toady. God and I don’t like flatterers.
* Ask Rabbs if he has noticed how happy black people get when they become conservative.
* Note that since our last show, Republican New York governor candidate Carl Paladino has dropped about ten points in the polls.
* What does Rabbs think about Lot offering his virgin daughters to the crowd to rape instead of his male guests? When the daughters end up having kids through Lot, were they noble or sinful? If having sex with a family member was the only way you could sustain the earth, would you do it? If so, which family member would you choose?
* What kind of premium does the rabbi/Torah Jew put on virginity?
* I share the Biblical fear of drunkenness.
* Even though the Sodomites were struck blind, they still wanted to commit homo rape. (Gen. 19:11)
* Ancients were very horny. This condition is not caused by Hugh Hefner or Hollywood. No correlation between porn and criminal violence, status of women.
* Gen. 21:9. Expulsion of Ishmael. Artscroll: “As the Patriarch of Israel, his primary responsibility was to subordinate his feelings of love to the dictates of the future.”
* Ishmael was mocking Isaac, much the same way Chaim Amalek mocks the Torah Jew.
* Gen. 21: 16. Artscroll: “Her behavior was disgraceful and indicative of her flawed Hamitic character.” Those Hamites!
* Did Avraham fail G-d’s test by not saying “Hell no!” when G-d asked him to sacrifice Isaac? Avraham will plead for Sodom but not for Isaac? Does Rabbs identify with Isaac?
* Talk about the medieval rabbi Rashbam. “His commentary on the Torah is renowned for its stress on the plain meaning (peshat) of the text. He adopted a natural (as distinct from a homiletical and traditional) method. This approach often led him to state views that were somewhat controversial.”
* Judaism is the world’s most optimistic religion. Jews are here to make the world better. Judaism is skeptical about human nature but optimistic about human potential. In Christianity and Islam and Eastern religion, the ideal is to leave this world.