I’m Live On My Cam! Shining My Light To The Nations From The Intersection Of Judaism & Sexual Sin (Pico/Robertson)!

Live chat, video! Click here to chat live with myself, Rodger Jacobs, Governor Spritzer et al!

ChutzLaHood:  good…..thanks.
ChutzLaHood:  What kind of engineering will you employ to make social change?
YourMoralLeader:  eugenics
ChutzLaHood:  So then the focus is on good genes?
ChutzLaHood:  Or more aptly put in LA, good jeans…………
ChutzLaHood:  Which would make Briteny Spears a good canidate?……..
YourMoralLeader:  i’m doing a lot of research
mrsspitzer:  where is that no account husband of mine…with you?
ChutzLaHood:  I wonder which latino politician will come under her gaze……
mrsspitzer:  did you wrap telefin yet…I’d like to wrap telefin around my husband’s neck
guest1:  haha
guest1:  that’s not a kosher use of tefillin
ChutzLaHood:  At least, Villaraigosa return descency to infidelity. We suffered a great loss under Clinton’s classless acts of infidelity.
YourMoralLeader:  yeah, i just got back from shul, tefillin, and a torah class
mrsspitzer:  I knew he was up to no good when I caught him reading Luke Ford archives from 2001
YourMoralLeader:  oy ve
mrsspitzer:  you’re all set spiritually for the day
mrsspitzer:  even the cough sounds better
mrsspitzer:  eating oats again?
YourMoralLeader:  yes, thanks, saw it weeks ago
YourMoralLeader:  cottage cheese
YourMoralLeader:  I’m feeling good, I’m getting a lot of love
YourMoralLeader:  my lips are sealed
mrsspitzer:  no kiss and tell equals no fun
ChutzLaHood:  As the Pope keeps his women a secret so does our moral leader.
mrsspitzer:  mrs spitzer will be available soon with a hefty cash settlement
ChutzLaHood:  Mrsspitzer, that questions falls outside of the realm of topic one may engage your Moral leader on.
mrsspitzer:  oh! OK so solly
ChutzLaHood:  Would you ask the Pope who his wife is? who his favorite concubine is?
guest1:  who wants to know who the pope is with?  Not a pretty picture, no matter who it is.
YourMoralLeader:  why do women find me so irresistible? my money, hovel?
mrsspitzer:  check this from the Washington Post
ChutzLaHood:  YML was schooled in the same hallowed institutions of religious leadership in Torrance……as the Pope. In a course entitled "What One May Speak of With Moral Seekers," the first rule is not to mention one conquests.
mrsspitzer:   New York governor had been known to "ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe."
guest1:  it’s the orange slice in your mouth
mrsspitzer:  Looks like the Gov was a Read Admiral
mrsspitzer:  Rear
ChutzLaHood:  At least, he had an interesting angle on infidelity.
mrsspitzer:  irresiatible…we ain’t going for that unless you shtup with the Hovel Cam on
ChutzLaHood:  He well compensated his lady friends; he helped them with their daily expenses and thus brought relief and solace to women who may never have experienced these things.
mrsspitzer:  OK not "on the job" but I’d like to meet the lady (lady’s) in question then turn the Hovel Cam off
ChutzLaHood:  Luke, have you ever realized that your Hovel may be more alluring the the Playboy mansion?
YourMoralLeader:  🙂
YourMoralLeader:  no
mrsspitzer:  It’s easier to walk around
mrsspitzer:  you can never get lost in The Hovel
ChutzLaHood:  Evern considered changing your name to Luke Heffner?
ChutzLaHood:  For many a blond, the hovel is much more accessible.
ChutzLaHood:  Do you give weekly tours of the hovel?
YourMoralLeader:  only for special ladies

ChutzLaHood:  Does your Hovel also have a reverible aspect to it? If you turn it inside out, does it become a pizzaria?
YourMoralLeader:  it’s blowing up
ChutzLaHood:  How does one describes one’s long term presence in a hovel? Live? Reside? Dwell?
YourMoralLeader:  dwell
ChutzLaHood:  Is the Gematria for hovel and the beis hamikdash the same?
ChutzLaHood:  Will the Moshiach opt out of the Beis Hamikdash and dwell in a hovel?
YourMoralLeader:  or he may already be living there, chutz
ChutzLaHood:  Which Latino politician is next on the list for Salinas?
ChutzLaHood:  I think I may convert to Latino and take office just so I can enjoy the same ride the mayor had.
nicolletista:  luke they are flocking to you as to the baal shem tov for guidance on sptizer
nicolletista:  guidance that only you and your rabbinaical council can give
nicolletista:  they want responsa
nicolletista:  or at least jokes
nicolletista:  you are at the intersection of judaism and sexual sin
nicolletista:  that is, pico and robertson
nicolletista:  it’s nice that eliot spitzer neatly encapsulates your work of the past 15 years
nicolletista:  this lays the groundwork for the public television special celebrating your life

nicolletista:  of course it’s "dwell"
nicolletista:  like the shekinah
YourMoralLeader:  the presence
nicolletista:  well it certainly isn’t dwell magazine
nicolletista:  maybe they could do a special issue on hovels
nicolletista:  modern hovels
YourMoralLeader:  spitzer came up in shul this morning but the rabbi hushed it
ChutzLaHood:  Maybe, you could write a book on interior design of hovels……………???
nicolletista:  well that’s a load of crap
ChutzLaHood:  What is the latest fads in decorating hovels?
nicolletista:  hey man, i’m not buttchering on my porch, so i don’t care if some roabbi counts a patio as a utensil
nicolletista:  i want the straight dope on spitzer
YourMoralLeader:  An interior designer girl asked to come look at my hovel to make suggestions but she was so horrified by it she fled quickly
nicolletista:  i want lashon hara and don’t see why gentiles should have all the fun
YourMoralLeader:  I shouldn’t have pulled out my gun
YourMoralLeader:  some chix like that though
ChutzLaHood:  hovel 1358, "roofed passage, vent for smoke," later "shed for animals" (1435), of unknown origin. Meaning "shed for human habitation; rude or miserable cabin" is from 1625. It also sometimes meant "canopied niche for a statue or image" (1463).
ChutzLaHood:  –noun1.    a small, very humble dwelling house; a wretched hut.2.    any dirty, disorganized dwelling.3.    an open shed, as for sheltering cattle or tools.–verb (used with object)4.    to shelter or lodge as in a hovel.[Origin: 1375–1425; late ME hovell, of uncert.
nicolletista:  oh man luke, turns out living in your hovel is idolatrous
ChutzLaHood:  4.    to shelter or lodge as in a hovel.
User mrsspitzer changed their name to GovSpritzel.
GovSpritzel:  what up?
GovSpritzel:  I thought i was the only one who wasted the day away…
ChutzLaHood:  Luke, you could hovel some lonely, distraught woman and perform a miztvah!
nicolletista:  did it make you feel better yesterday on mad money when cramer said that he’d always be your friend?
YourMoralLeader:  yes!
ChutzLaHood:  Luke, have you ever hovelled before?
GovSpritzel:  That guy is right 50% of the time..I could do better
YourMoralLeader:  yep
ChutzLaHood:  It’s a verb and a noun.
ChutzLaHood:  hovelnounsmall crude shelter used as a dwelling
GovSpritzel:  Cash is NOT trash..remember that
ChutzLaHood:  hovel: noun-small crude shelter used as a dwelling
nicolletista:  thanks eliot
User guest7 left the room.
GovSpritzel:  why am I doing this and NOT my taxes???
ChutzLaHood:  German:     der Schuppen
GovSpritzel:  nicol  how ya..have to met Luke in person yet?
YourMoralLeader:  I got a $347 refund!
GovSpritzel:  Nicol are you really a chick or Charles Manson typing in his cell?
nicolletista:  neither
GovSpritzel:  I’d take 374
YourMoralLeader:  I can tell nicole is allw oman
GovSpritzel:  Nicole is HUH?
GovSpritzel:  what kind of Oman?
nicolletista:  yes luke, it’s that kind of intuition that has provided you with a mansion and a long-term relationship
User guest8 left the room.
ChutzLaHood:  Luke, how is your hovel-based blogging coming? It is making more money?
GovSpritzel:  Luke do you still keep in touch with yor former "long term relationship"? You know who?
YourMoralLeader:  errrrrr
GovSpritzel:  Ms. ———
ChutzLaHood:  I was thinking of some adjectives you could use: hovel-specific, hovel-based, hovel-centric……………
YourMoralLeader:  Chutz, I believe with perfect faith that a livable wage will come.
YourMoralLeader:  which one?
YourMoralLeader:  Gov
GovSpritzel:  you gotta have faith
ChutzLaHood:  I added as the 14th article of faith………….
ChutzLaHood:  Along with perfect faith that the Moshiach will come, I also have perfect faith that you’ll make money.
ChutzLaHood:  We should all add this to our recitation of Rambam’s 13 articles of faith.
YourMoralLeader:  Yes, I do
YourMoralLeader:  stay in touch
ChutzLaHood:  Maybe the collective petition will affect things on high so that down here the blessings will flow……….
GovSpritzel:  Nicol…tell us some juicy dirt on Luke
nicolletista:  The man is an open book
nicolletista:  no dirt necessary
GovSpritzel:  does he spend his Tax refund on Hookers…?
ChutzLaHood:  That is not in the spirit of us hovel-gazer’s belief system.
nicolletista:  i say that he does not
GovSpritzel:  not HookerS..no enough money..maybe ONE HOOKER
ChutzLaHood:  We need a new verb to describe what we are doing……….. 🙂
ChutzLaHood:  how about hovel-gazing?
GovSpritzel:  One Hooker who needs to make rent
ChutzLaHood:  Hovel-viewing?
YourMoralLeader:  I will never buy a hooker, never have
ChutzLaHood:  Why buy when you can get them free?
nicolletista:  amalek does not agree however
GovSpritzel:  I’ve been to the Hovel..what you see now is exactly what it is..it’s not Gov Spritzel’s mansion
ChutzLaHood:  Or for at least a cup of coffee at a local star buck.
ChutzLaHood:  Hovel Gazers of LA…………..
ChutzLaHood:  Nicoletista, you can be our lady president……..so that we can be in the spirit of the times……..?
YourMoralLeader:  Do you want a different angle for the cam?
ChutzLaHood:  Our own version of the zeit gheist………….
GovSpritzel:  Burt I predict someday in the future tour busses will pass The Hovel like they do Clark Gables’ old house. It will be a landmark
User guest12 left the room.
nicolletista:  Luke how long have you lived in the hovel anyway?
YourMoralLeader:  11 years
ChutzLaHood:  Maybe, we could put on Maps to stars’ homes?
ChutzLaHood:  Luke, you’re the only actor to have ever dwelt in that hovel?
YourMoralLeader:  dunno
YourMoralLeader:  Upon you guys, I will build my virtual shul
ChutzLaHood:  It isn’t the hovel that Robert Redford dwelled in?
YourMoralLeader:  Amalek, you are my rock
GovSpritzel:  I just heard on CNN that I’ll be resigning soon…all because my wife didn’t like sex in the back door…
YourMoralLeader:  I will make you fishers of men
ChutzLaHood:  Can I be the fondation stone?
YourMoralLeader:  Sure
GovSpritzel:  Amalek..time for you to run for Governor
nicolletista:  why don’t you call him peter, luke?
ChutzLaHood:  I have had bong-hits this morning…………
nicolletista:  i mean as long as you’re going xian on us
ChutzLaHood:  So, I really feel stoned enough to be a foundation stone.
GovSpritzel:  the New Governor is a Blind Black Guy…i think you can beat him
GovSpritzel:  just think of all those $5,000 hookers before you get busted.
ChutzLaHood:  Is there some kedushah in gum chewing?
YourMoralLeader:  Do you guys like the jaunty way I chew gum or is it unbecoming a moral leader?
GovSpritzel:  I have the sound down
GovSpritzel:  because it doesn’t work anyway
ChutzLaHood:  I think Moral Leader would be chewing on Tabacco.
ChutzLaHood:  Or on chinese herbs!
GovSpritzel:  Luke have you ever considered aking Amalek to move in with you?
GovSpritzel:  Two Jews in search of a future
ChutzLaHood:  Ok……have a good day………I have to go………and commit a horrible sin: an offline life……
GovSpritzel:  offline life? what’s that?
YourMoralLeader:  I bless you
ChutzLaHood:  Actually…….

GovSpritzel:  How about Nek Fred, Amalek and Luke all living in the Hovel on bunk beds..cheap rent for sure
ChutzLaHood:  Life has three divisions: on-hovel time, off-hovel time and hammer time.
nicolletista:  amalek weighs 350…no top bunk for him
User ChutzLaHood left the room.
GovSpritzel:  Mississippi…voting today..all those Inbreds goingto the pole
GovSpritzel:  Amalek sleeps on the bottem then
GovSpritzel:  what are you drinking Urine Analysis?
nicolletista:  luke, if you drinkn from bottles on webcam, no woman will ever like you
GovSpritzel:  Oy vey
nicolletista:  this is friendly advice
nicolletista:  seriously
GovSpritzel:  Luke, put that concoction in a Crystal Champaign bottle..that’ll get the chicks running over for a swig
nicolletista:  please….anything…but not that
GovSpritzel:  Luke burps, picks his nose and eats oats from the box too. no ediquette
GovSpritzel:  WOW market up 200 today..probably cuz i’m resigning soon.
GovSpritzel:  how’s the weather where you are today Luke?
GovSpritzel:  cloudy?
GovSpritzel:  sunny?
nicolletista:  ok luke, maybe i;’ll see you later
nicolletista:  good luck governor, probably the last time anyone will ever call you that
User nicolletista left the room.
GovSpritzel:  OK I’m outta here…gonna try and do something constructive….of course i won’t but…bye everyone
User Guest left the room.
MadCow:  omg not on the phone again lol
MadCow:  dunno y this guy streams cus he never bothers to talk to us, he just sits there admiring himself
ChutzLaHood:  Enhovelled……..Hovel cam……….
ChutzLaHood:  We have to have a language that reflects this experience.
ChutzLaHood:  Hovel sighting…………
ChutzLaHood: REM Losing my Religion
YourMoralLeader:  i love that song!
ChutzLaHood:  How about using that as the theme song for the hovel experience?
ChutzLaHood:  We must adorn the hovel with terminology, music themes, etc…………..
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  I must make a music video
ChutzLaHood:  Does your blogging reflect your commonwealth experiences in any way?

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
This entry was posted in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.