The $300 Brake Job

I haven’t used one tank of gas this summer. I’ve been frugal with my driving.

It helps that my brakes don’t work too well, almost to the point where I’ll open the door and drag my feet along the crowd to bring the monster to a halt.

So, in retrospect, the $300 I spent on fixing my brakes on Thursday was a good investment.

I look forward to therapy all week because I get to swear and totally trash people. Today I used “freaked me the f*** out” three times in one minute.

My therapist wants me to think about ways I “thwart intimacy.”

Torah is great for thwarting intimacy. I just obey G-d’s commandments and normal relations with 99% of humanity are thwarted. And it’s all because I’m doing the will of the Master of the Universe.

I’m not socially retarded. I’m just Orthodox.

As Bill Margold said, I wave my religion like a bloody flag.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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