Dennis Prager took a call Friday from a man who was concerned that half of his 42 year old fiance’s friends were men, including some ex lovers, and that she’d go out with them, to Happy Hours and the like.
Dennis: “That she is clear that the man she marries is her male friend. It doesn’t mean that no others can be in her life…Marriage is your best friend of the opposite sex.”
Man: “A couple of them are ex lovers.”
Dennis: “If they love her, in the truest best sense of the word love, they will say to her, ‘You’ve found a good man. Now he’s your man. I have to drop out of your life.'”
Man: “Maybe once or twice a week but every other week?”
Dennis: “No. No. It’s not realistic. You are the man in her life. The ex lovers are not. We all understand a periodic call, a Christmas card. I’d say the same thing for a woman with a guy and his ex lovers. Not out of jealousy or insecurity, because that’s not the way it works.”
“Guess who’s coming to dinner? Jerry, who I made love to five years ago. I’m sorry.”
“It reminds me of the 1960s when people were into open marriage. She will be free to see who she likes and I will be free to see who I like. And they all broke up. Of course it doesn’t work.”
I think Dennis is totally right here. It’s never worked when I’ve had a girlfriend who wanted to stay close with her ex-boyfriends.