I’ve created this elaborate blogging empire because I can’t stand feeling vulnerable.
I remember as a kid not getting invited to birthday parties. I remember the big kids dunking me under water and holding my head there for about ten seconds.
I hated that!
I vowed that I would grow and find ways to defend myself.
I wanted to find a way to penetrate any gathering. In eighth grade, I realized that journalism was my perfect entre into society. It was my press pass to life. I could penetrate any world, from pornography to Orthodox Judaism, by saying I was a writer.
I tend to be uncomfortable in a crowd unless I’m a journalist or a photographer. Then I can be in the mix but keep a professional distance.
I hate the anxiety of wanting to be with people who don’t want to be with me. As a writer, I can penetrate anything and say it is for my craft. I’ve created a vehicle to get into places where people don’t want me. My work is powerful enough that a lot of people who don’t like me realize it is easier just to deal with me directly rather than to deal with my fury online. I get press passes. I get important people talking to me. I feel, at times, like an insider.
I know you’re not going to invite me to your party. So I’m going to say I’m a writer and I’ll talk to people who went to your party and then I’ll critique your party on my blog and I’ll feel a part of your party and superior to your party and I’ll feel better about my loneliness.