We usually find other people’s opinions obnoxious because they are underlain by a smug superior attitude of — I know more than you!
If I didn’t feel this, I wouldn’t blog or livestream as much.
I’ve been watching Youtube videos on how to communicate more effectively on Youtube. This bloke Alexander said you should go into your performance with as low a cognitive load as possible so you can afford to be most in the moment, and before you begin, get clear on what you are thinking and feeling and try to distill it down to one or two things, and then speak from that place.
If I don’t feel I have something important to impart, I wouldn’t share as much online.
While I might usually feel some version of more-than-my-audience, sometimes I feel distinctively less-than-my-audience. That’s when I’m in my vulnerable porous identity. When I feel superior, it means I’m in my disciplined buffered identity.
I find that when I practice Alexander’s advice, I become more interesting to watch with the sound off because what I’m feeling comes through on my face and in my gestures.
ChatGPT says: You’re noticing the core tension: the very impulse to share often carries the whiff of “I know something you don’t,” and that can read as smug even if you don’t mean it that way. But there are ways to soften that edge and still put your ideas out there.
A few levers you can pull:
Frame as exploration, not proclamation. Instead of “Here’s the truth,” try “Here’s what I’m wrestling with,” or “This is how it looks to me right now.” It signals you’re not closing the case—you’re inviting others in.
Name your uncertainty. Saying “I could be wrong, but…” or “I’m curious how others see this” lowers the superiority vibe while keeping your perspective intact.
Shift from teaching to sharing. Even if you’re confident, put it in terms of your own experience: “When I tried X, this is what I noticed,” rather than “You should do X.”
Respect the intelligence of your audience. If you assume they’re sharp and capable, your tone naturally changes—you’re talking to peers, not students.
Use vulnerability sparingly and strategically. The “less-than” mode (porous identity) can humanize you and create connection, but overdone it can slide into self-abasement. Blending some buffered confidence with flashes of porosity makes for compelling communication.
Distill, like Alexander suggests. Going in with one or two distilled thoughts prevents rambling superiority displays and keeps you grounded in the moment.
In short: hold your authority lightly. You don’t have to kill the “I have something important to say” impulse—it’s what makes you publish—but you can pair it with a curiosity about how it will land. That tension—“I think this is valuable” plus “I might be wrong”—is where the least obnoxious voices live.
