My Rage, Resentment And Despair With Technology

Come July 3, I’ll have been blogging for 21 years, but I’ve never been ahead of the curve with technology. I only started using proper blogging software (WordPress) in 2006. I only started my Youtube channel in 2007. I only got an iPhone in 2016.

I was not one of the first guys in high school to learn to use a computer. I never took a computer class at Placer High School. I had peers well ahead of me in this respect. I did learn some computer skills writing for the Auburn Journal in my senior year, and then when I became the editor of the newspaper at Sierra Community College in the fall of 1985, I learned how to use a Mac.

I’ve always had this fear about technology, or just anything technical and practical. And not just fear, but impatience turning to rage and resentment and then despair when I couldn’t make things happened as I wished.

I was talking to someone close to me about this. We decided we had inherited this pattern. It was modeled to us in childhood and those neural pathways got so well worn, we haven’t been able escape them.

For the past ten days, I’ve been watching and rewatching this video:

When JF Gariepy appeared on my show a few months ago, he said I’d get a lot more views if I did my videos more professionally. I know he’s right. I’ve always been more willing to expend effort to produce quantity rather than quality. My work history is frequently shoddy. “Careless” is my middle name.

So I’m in recovery now. I’m determined to up my game because I know that my habitual ways of doing things don’t work for me as I’d like. So I bought everything he recommended (including the BEHRINGER XENYX X1222USB sound mixer and the Shure SM7B Vocal Dynamic Microphone, Cardioid as well as a few things in addition (such as a standing desk, a topo standing mat, the RODE PSA1 Swivel Mount Studio Microphone Boom Arm, a polo shirt, and two Van Heusen dress shirts).

When the standing desk arrived, I read that it was simple to assemble, and yet I couldn’t do it. For one thing, my computer monitor cord was too short, so I had to order a longer one. I searched for videos with instructions on how to assemble the desk and there were’t any, so I sat on the ground and looked at the instructions and thoughts about how I could approach or pay people to help me and then I did a bit and a little more and then I set it aside for a few days until the cord arrived and one screw was missing, but I still got the desk working but the 30″ monitor seems shaky, who knows what it will do in an earthquake…

The togo mat was simple. I simply removed the plastic and put it on the floor and went to town on it.

The sound mixer bedevils me. I’ve watched all these videos on it and read the instruction manual but I don’t have a clue except I know that when I plug it into my computer, I can no longer get any sound in my headphones. I downloaded the Banana Voicemeeter that JF recommended but when I installed it, I could no longer get any sound into my headphones or speakers so I had to uninstall it.

I watched video after video about using Streamlabs OBS but I hardly have a clue about how I am going to transition to that platform and so I’m asking around for help.

This is how I’ve long dealt with my frightened approach to technology. I ask for help quickly, and when necessary, I pay for that help.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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