On Friday, I left some wet cloths on my wooden stool that I use for teaching Alexander Technique. When I removed the now-dry cloths this evening, I saw they had left horrible mildew splotches.
So I scrubbed away and the mildew was scarcely reduced. Then I Googled the problem, ignored the advice about always using gloves, and poured some bleach on paper towels and scrubbed the top of the stool.
The smell was so strong, I left the stool outside. Then I washed my hands and lay down to watch the last episode of this third season of Better Call Saul.
My hands started to feel funny, and as my anxiety built so that I couldn’t enjoy the show, I Googled “bleach on bare hands” and saw that was a terrible thing. I followed the advice and washed my hands more thoroughly and went back to the show.
As the program reached its crescendo, my horror built. Not only would I need to throw away my stool and spend $40 on another one because of my stupid mistake, I’ve probably done myself some harm with my use of the bleach. So I paused the show right before the end and washed my hands more thoroughly and made sure not to touch my eyes.
When I finally finished Saul, my feeling of dread was so intense that I tried to dilute it by watching the latest episode of Silicon Valley, but found I couldn’t fully get into it because I had this fear that my eyes were stinging, so I took a long shower paying particular attention to dousing my eyes (I normally prefer to wash in the morning as I hate to start the day anything less than fully clean and invigorated by a cold shower).
It’s an hour later now and nothing seems terribly wrong. Yeah, I can’t sleep. I am scared and humbled by how easily I can ignore instructions and careen off course, putting myself and others in danger through my carelessness.
The wet towels were my instincts (fine in their place), the mildew stains were the repercussions from allowing my instincts to go awry, my bare-handed scrubbing with bleach was my best thinking about how to solve my problem, Google was my sponsor, and the cleansing water that took away my sins flowed from the well of Torah.
God, I offer myself to Thee–to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!
My mouthguard tastes funny. I think I rinsed it right after I cleaned with bleach.
