She Takes Communion

"You make me feel very priestly," he said. "You’re such a sinner. I’d love to heal you with the love of Christ. I’d love to give you the eucharist."

He was talking to a graduate of the prestigious Manhattan Orthodox Jewish day school — Ramaz.

"I’d love to take your confession through a hole in the wall or a sheet in the bed," he whispered. "Then I’d give you communion. I’d put on a robe and you’d get down on your knees and you’d stick out your tongue and I’d put a wafer on it and say, ‘Body of Christ.’

"Then I’d give you a sip of wine and say, ‘This is my blood which I shed for the sins of the world.’

"Then we’d get shickered and blow the shofar. And you could shake my lulav."

"I’ve had communion," she said.

He was shocked. "Get out of here!"

"I’m serious," she said.

"When?"

"I’ve done it several times."

"When was the first time?"

"In college. I was the president of the Jewish student group and I was really into interfaith dialogue."

"I can’t believe you took communion," he said.

"It’s not like I got baptized."

"It’s so disrespectful."

"Oh, you’re upset because it is disrespectful to Christianity?"

"It’s no behavior for a Jewish girl. Jesus H. Christ. What were you thinking? You’re such a bad girl. The rabbis would not want me around you. Oy, if they could see me now, they’d be crying."

"It’s not such a big deal."

"Oy, oy, oy. You’re a bad girl."

"I’m into goddess religions. Pre-Judaism, pre-Christianity paganism. I’m into Wiccan. I’m a witch. You know that, right?"

"NO! You’re such a bad girl."

"I also like girls."

"Well, I knew that."

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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