Respect!

Hot Shiksa calls.

I squeal: "You poked me on Facebook! This is a whole new direction for our relationship. We’re finally making our feelings concrete. It’s not just words. Now it’s down to poking. We’re making things holy."

Hot Shiksa: "I logged in to Facebook in a different way and saw that you had poked me. So I poked back.

"They don’t have pokes on the iPhone.

"Hey, if you’re going to write about me on your site, please do me the respect of capitalizing my name — Hot Shiksa.

"If I let you poke me for real, you’d be overcome by guilt. That’s why I don’t want to have sex with you. What happened to chivalry? All these guys in my life want to have sex with me. It’s so boring."

"How many guys is that?"

"How many girls do you want to sleep with? Twenty? —–"

"You think I want to poke ——?"

"Yes. And half the girls in yoga."

"I’m not like that. Yoga is sacred space for me. It’s not pick-up territory. I’m 43. I’m not looking to hook up. I’m looking to get married and to have kids and to live out a relationship sanctified by God and state. I want a wife so I can perform more mitzvahs.

"Do you seriously think I’d treat you with more respect if you were Jewish?"

"Yes."

"You’re wrong. You’re paranoid."

"And if I were ten years younger."

"That’s a low blow. There’s so much wisdom that a woman gains as she grows older and gets more wrinkles and packs on the weight and loses her desire to have sex. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s more spiritual than all the tawdry poking that the young are obsessed with. You’ve helped me overcome all my lustful desires. Now I just want to live in peace with God."

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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