My Feelings

Friday afternoon, I had two beautiful women paying attention to me.

One, however, was about to call Kavel.

"How can you call Kavel when I’m talking about my feelings?" I wailed to Kris.

She smiled and gave herself to me completely.

She wore a filmy cream top and she had long black hair and she was tall and slim, just how I like ’em.

She had a sweet smile.

"I’m just starting to open up here," I complained.

Ally Yoga Mint ate another spoonful of lentils.

"How can you call Kavel at a time like this?" I continued. "Guru Luke is in the house!"

"It can wait," said Kris.

"All I need is a little female attention," I said. "That’s all. Just a tender act of random kindness like you’d give to some drunk in a gutter. Just talk to me for five minutes. It’s not wrong. It’s what Guru Ram Dass would want you to do. Sat nam."

"You get lots of female attention!" they protested.

"I see you at the back of class, you’re always talking to girls," said Ally.

"I just want a little attention, just a little conversation, just a touch of tenderness. That’s all! Give me a little female attention and I’m the happiest man in the world. I’m the easiest man in the world. So pliant, so kind, so considerate, so other-directed. Just give me five minutes of your time and then go on with your day heedless of my needs. Take no further care on my account. Give me no consideration. Make all the calls to Kavel you want. Wahe Guru it up. I’ll be fine. All I want is now. All I want is for you to listen to me. All I want is for you to pay attention to me now!

"My needs are simple and the day is long. Let us now praise great men."

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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