Category Archives: Personal

The Pariah and the Jewish Girl

So my writing teacher asked me how did I know that I had low social status in Jewish life. I met Bella* at a Shabbat dinner in March of 1998. It was set up by **** but was at the … Continue reading

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The Philosopher And The Poet

So I was at Starbucks and the 18yo poet sat on the other side of the store. Both of our mothers died of cancer. Both of us like to do our own thing. Both of us go one way and … Continue reading

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What Do I Want In A Woman?

I don’t want to go to bed with Rachel and wake up with Leah. I want someone who does not repulse me when I wake up in the morning and see her without make-up. I don’t want to have to … Continue reading

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What Did I Think Love Was?

Love for me has primarily meant romantic love. Sexual love. Agape love is great in real life but it is not the stuff of fantasy. So love for me has primarily been a fantasy rather than a reality, an aching … Continue reading

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What’s My Role In Judaism?

Sometimes I think I’m the court jester. Other times, I think I have a powerful role. More people read me than hear any Shabbos morning sermon. People don’t treat me trivially. I remain an outsider. Almost every group I join … Continue reading

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Why Did I Convert To Judaism?

* I wanted to be part of the most effective group for making a better world. A group that had a divine recipe (Torah). * I wanted to improve myself. * I wanted to belong to a transcendent community (without … Continue reading

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Why Do I Keep Seeking Out Substitute Father Figures?

I was blessed with a good father. My dad is righteous. He’s a rock. He’s reliable. He’s predictable. He’s stable. And with my mother (who died of cancer before I turned four) and my step-mother, he gave us three kids … Continue reading

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I Love The 12-Step Share

I’ve been going to 12-step groups for the past 18 months to find recovery from my emotional addictions. An integral part of meetings is the “share.” Many meetings will have a lead speaker who’ll give a share from 8-15 minutes … Continue reading

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Is My Writing Toxic?

In the first 11 years of my Jewish journey, I never wanted to write anything bad about any rabbi. I revered rabbis. I knew there were bad ones, but I revered the profession as a whole. Then I got kicked … Continue reading

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Why Do Jewish Men Chase Shiksas?

Did I convert to Judaism to chase shiksas? An objective observer looking at my track record might think yes for many of my years prior to completing my Orthodox conversion in 2009. Despite living in and around Orthodox Judaism for … Continue reading

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