Sex Addiction Is Not Our Problem

Food addiction is not our problem.

Debt addiction is not our problem.

Alcohol addiction is not our problem.

These are all but symptoms of our problem (a broken attachment system). Recovery from sex addiction does not equal a life without lust. Recovery from addiction demands abstinence from the substances and behaviors of our addictions but it does not equal such abstinence. Recovery really means that you have been restored to, at minimum, a normal level of connection with yourself, with other people and with God. That means you can be alone and feel ok. That means you can be with other people and feel ok.

Due to growing up in foster care, I have loneliness embedded in my central nervous system. Just hanging out with people does not solve this problem. Abstaining from my addictions does not solve this problem. I have a lot of recovery in my various programs but I hate to be alone in silence. My mind is a dangerous neighborhood I don’t like to visit alone. So instead of silence surrounding me when I am alone, I prefer to have music going, or chanting, or a 12-step lecture, or just something healthy playing in the background. When I lie down at night to go to sleep, I like to play something relaxing and healthy in the background. When I wake up at night, I like to listen to War and Peace or some other fine literature. If I’m awake for long in the middle of the night, and I’m restless with the book I’m listening to, I’ll sit up and watch something like the Frasier sitcom to distract my mind from wandering to dark places.

When I get up at 5:30 am, my work days are usually scheduled until 7pm.

My recovery is a work in progress.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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