Grok says: Setting: Bertie Wooster’s flat, London. Bertie is lounging in an armchair, flipping through The Times with a look of mild panic. Jeeves, as ever, glides in with a tray of tea, radiating calm omniscience.
Bertie: I say, Jeeves, have you seen this bally nonsense in the paper? This Trump chap across the pond is slapping tariffs on all sorts of things—steel, cars, even whisky! It’s an outrage! How’s a fellow to get a decent dram without paying through the nose?
Jeeves: Indeed, sir. Mr. Trump’s economic policies have stirred considerable debate. The tariffs, designed to bolster American industry, may inadvertently elevate the cost of imported goods, including, as you note, certain libations.
Bertie: Libations? Dash it, Jeeves, you make it sound like I’m running a speakeasy. I’m talking about my evening scotch! Aunt Agatha’s already got me on a leash—now I’ll have to smuggle my own tipple like some sort of rum-runner. What’s the world coming to?
Jeeves: A lamentable state of affairs, sir. However, might I suggest exploring domestic alternatives? A fine British whisky, perhaps, or even a gin of local provenance?
Bertie: Gin? Jeeves, you’re pulling my leg! Gin’s for chaps who wear loud waistcoats and lose at baccarat. No, no, this tariff business is a disaster. Why, I read they’re even taxing tweed! My tailor’s going to have a fit, and I’ll be wandering Mayfair looking like a scarecrow.
Jeeves: I believe the tariff on textiles is less severe than reported, sir. Nevertheless, I could arrange for your tailor to source materials from within the Empire, thereby circumventing the additional costs.
Bertie: Circumventing, eh? You’re talking like a bloomin’ pirate now, Jeeves. Next you’ll have me sailing to Canada with a hold full of contraband Harris Tweed. Yo ho ho and a bottle of Glenfiddich!
Jeeves: Perish the thought, sir. My intention is merely to ensure your sartorial and liquid requirements are met with minimal disruption. Perhaps a discreet word with certain merchants could secure your preferred scotch at a pre-tariff rate.
Bertie: Discreet word? You mean bribe someone, don’t you? I say, Jeeves, you’re a dark horse. One minute you’re polishing my shoes, the next you’re masterminding a smuggling ring. I like it! But what’s this Trump fellow’s game, anyway? Why’s he making life so dashed expensive?
Jeeves: Mr. Trump’s stated aim, sir, is to protect American workers by incentivizing domestic production. Critics argue, however, that such measures may provoke retaliatory tariffs, thus complicating global trade. The ripple effects are felt even here, as you’ve astutely observed.
Bertie: Astutely? Oh, I’m sharp as a tack, Jeeves, don’t you worry. But this ripple business sounds like a lot of rot. If I want my whisky, I don’t care if it’s distilled in Glasgow or Timbuktu. Why can’t everyone just get along and let a chap have his drink in peace?
Jeeves: A noble sentiment, sir. Alas, international commerce is a complex tapestry, woven with competing interests. Might I propose a temporary solution? I have taken the liberty of securing a modest stockpile of your preferred single malt, acquired prior to the tariff’s implementation.
Bertie: Stockpile? Jeeves, you absolute marvel! You’ve been hoarding whisky behind my back? I’m torn between calling you a genius and worrying you’re about to open a black-market saloon. How much have you got stashed away?
Jeeves: Sufficient to tide you over until the geopolitical climate stabilizes, sir. I would not dream of allowing your evenings to be marred by a shortage of suitable refreshment.
Bertie: You’re a brick, Jeeves. An absolute brick. But mark my words, if this tariff nonsense goes on, I’ll have to start distilling my own grog in the bathtub. Picture me as Bertie the Bootlegger! Ha!
Jeeves: A vivid image, sir, though I trust it will not come to that. Shall I pour you a small measure of the aforementioned single malt to steady your nerves?
Bertie: Steady my nerves? Jeeves, you’re practically a doctor. Make it a large one, and let’s drink to the downfall of tariffs and the triumph of good taste!
Jeeves: Very good, sir. He glides off to fetch the whisky, a faint smirk betraying his amusement at Bertie’s theatrics.
- https://PayPal.Me/lukeisback
"Luke Ford reports all of the 'juicy' quotes, and has been doing it for years." (Marc B. Shapiro)
"This guy knows all the gossip, the ins and outs, the lashon hara of the Orthodox world. He’s an [expert] in... all the inner workings of the Orthodox world." (Rabbi Aaron Rakeffet-Rothkoff) LATEST POSTS:
- Had We But World Enough: On Reading Marvell at Twenty Two
- On Loving John Donne
- Iran Declines as an Empire and Survives as a Veto Power
- The Rescue Witness: How Former Performers Became the Face of the Fight Against Pornography
- Christian Smith: A Career Against Reduction
- Can’t We All Get Along?
- I Threw A Rising Curve With A Tennis Ball
- Scenes from a Documented Life: Mickey Kaus
- Scenes from a Documented Life: Eugene Volokh
- Scenes from the 155 IQ Life
- Scenes from the 105 IQ Life
- Scenes from the 75 IQ Life
- Scenes from the 85 IQ Life
- Scenes from the Passport Question
- Scenes from Human Resources
- Scenes from the Unsubscribe Economy
- Donny Pauling: The Producer Who Sold His Repentance
- Are There Any Serial Killers In 90035?
- Karl Taro Greenfeld: The Brother, the Correspondent, the Fire
- Bret Stephens
BEST POSTS:
- * The Enlightenment Wasn’t Enlightened (6-23-26)
* Mr. Burge Draws The Line (6-23-26)
* 'Improving on Democracy' (6-17-26)
* People Leak To People Who Are Fun (6-11-26)
* Why Does Australia Produce So Many Great Journalists? (6-11-26)
* Steve Wynn and the Press: Power, Litigation, and the Contest Over Las Vegas (6-3-26)
* Sheldon Adelson and the Journalists (6-3-26)
* The Vigilant Animal: Thinkers Who Reject the Myth of Human Gullibility (6-2-26)
* The Cost of Refusing the Misunderstanding Myth (6-2-26)
* Show Me How It Travels (6-2-26)
* The Norm Explainers (6-2-26)
* Centering Marginalized Voices (6-1-26)
* What would it look like if the Washington Post put its reader first? (6-1-26)
* What would it look like if the Financial Times put its reader first? (6-1-26)
* What It Would Mean for the Los Angeles Times to Put the Reader First? (6-1-26)
* What It Would Mean for The New York Times to Put the Reader First? (6-1-26)
* Why Wembanyama Lives on the Perimeter (5-31-26)
* The Emotional Palettes Of San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco & Sacramento (5-27-26)
* The Administrative Capital: Sacramento Legal Culture (5-27-26)
* San Diego - The Quiet Republic (5-27-26)
* The Quiet Bar: San Diego Legal Culture (5-27-26)
* SF v LA Legal Culture (5-27-26)
* Why Talent Travels Poorly Between San Francisco and Los Angeles (5-27-26)
* San Francisco and Los Angeles as Rival Models of Urban Access (5-27-26)
* Social Cliques in New York, 2026 (5-25-26)
* Social Cliques in San Francisco, 2026 (5-25-26)
* The Rival Courts of Washington (5-25-26)
* The City of Private Rooms (5-25-26)
