Kiki Baxter writes for The Fix:
How to Live Your Vision and Not Drown in Debt
How are you with your money? How is your earning? Do you love what you do? Are you living your vision?
I started going to Debtors Anonymous when all my Al-Anon artist friends were telling me how much it was helping them. Their enthusiasm was palpable so I went, accompanied by my constant companions: shame, despair and denial. Denial told me that I wasn’t ashamed. It propped me up and said everything was fine, even though I felt like I was spinning my wheels, constantly trying to make ends meet and behind in paying off my growing credit card debt. I spent one summer actively getting in debt by doing summer theater and living off a meager stipend from the theater company and credit cards. At another point, I cashed in my retirement account to follow my dreams. This is what artists (and non-artists) do, right? I once spoke to a prominent artistic director of a reputable theater about my worry that if I went to grad school, I’ll get further into debt. He said impatiently, “You’re an artist. You’re going to be in debt!”
Now I know that doesn’t have to be true, and that the starving artist mythology has flushed more artists down the drain than I care to count. Debting to live is not sustainable for an artist, or for anyone for that matter. Since I’ve been in DA, I have worked with my creditors to create a manageable repayment plan, I have slowly increased my income, and I have moved more fully into my vision. Is DA the only way? It was for me. I’m good at math, I’m organized, and I read many books on money management—but it didn’t matter. As I spoke to other members of DA, there were some common themes—whether they were an artist, a business person, or a health care professional. These are their stories. (Their names have been changed to protect anonymity.)
Mark
Mark has worked since he was fourteen years old and has had a steadily increasing income and promotions. Despite this fact, he was always struggling to make ends meet by spending more than he earned. He came into Debtors Anonymous in 2014 after trying other ways to manage his money.
“I tried budgeting many, many times and then I wouldn’t follow it. I tried leaving the credit card at home, but then I’d go back and get it or use it again later. I remember feeling not normal. I had a roommate a few years back who was a very successful guy and we’d talk about money, and he seemed to have this logic and all the facts. I knew the facts too, but he seemed to be able to implement them. For some reason, I couldn’t.”
Mark had been complaining about his debt to a friend of his who was in another program and his friend told him about DA. “I was really excited about it at first,” but then he had to “get down to business,” as he put it. “There are significant changes. Significant spiritual changes. You have to peel back the layers and do the work and find out why. I had all the facts but wasn’t able to put it into practice over and over again, for years. That’s been the heavy lifting, but I will say I’ve had a tremendous amount of relief.”
Mark grew up in a wealthy town but his family was not particularly wealthy. “My family’s relationship to money was skewed. My mom’s strategy was to work. ‘We’ll be happy when…’ My dad had a really hard time just dealing with life. He declared bankruptcy a couple times. He had a lot of earning capability and started a few businesses, but ultimately he didn’t want to work or felt he couldn’t do it.”
Mindfulness, meditation and prayer are some of the tools Mark uses in his recovery.
“The root cause is basically not feeling okay and then doing something to distract myself, so I think mindfulness is the best thing for me and that includes meditation. I don’t do it for hours and hours, but it’s a buffer so I don’t get too high or low. I do have a higher power in my life. I pray to see the truth and not run away from the situation as it’s presenting itself to me. Prayer is personal. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. I’m very experiential in my life. I’m scientific. The question is, did it produce a result for me? I’ll stand on my head if it produces a good result for me. That’s why I don’t resist the prayer thing anymore, because it produces good results.”
