Bob emails: "I’m watching this Michael Jackson will fiasco and I’m hoping your will is in order. I would hate to see your various lovers and family members squabbling over your fortune when you pass."
Fred emails: I’m afraid that Luke’s father and siblings will be battling over possession of the serial killer van, hundreds of unsold copies of his self-published books, his porn collection, the teffilin and the original letters banning Luke from various orthodox LA shuls (a collector’s item destined to be sold at Southeby’s, considered by some to have the same value as original copies of the Magna Carta). Luke’s dad will file a lawsuit in Superior Court seeking a restraining order to keep other family members away from these valuable heirlooms.
Meanwhile, thousands of Luke’s fans will gather outside the hovel to pay homage to this ground-breaking cultural icon.
Then there will be the problem of forged wills by charlatans claiming to be Luke’s true successor. Doubtless, members of the advisory group will be called upon to testify as to the authenticity of various documents.
I worry about this scenario. Luke privately confided in me that he thinks that Amalek will deny him three times to the authorities. It’s not going to be pretty.
Khunrum emails: “.I can picture the scene outside the Hovel. Candles, flowers, tears, boom boxes blasting Air Supply ditties. I’m going to cut some of my gray hair and sell it as a lock of Luke’s beard.”
