Last night, the Episcopal priest told me that the most spiritual person she knew was a gay trans rabbi

* Is there a name for what whites and asians feel when they drive into downtown LA? I had that crippling anxiety last night. I was briefly in Jew heaven when I found free parking a block away from the party, but through my car window I saw this young hispanic man standing there wearing shorts and he looked like he was up to no good. When the coast was clear of young black thugs, I was willing to take my chances with the hispanic, he’d probably just mug me and not kill me, I got out of my car and I prayed to God to protect me as I walked a block through the shadow of black death but suddenly there was a black man in front of me — I saw him before when I was looking for parking and he seems homeless and probably has nothing to lose attacking a Jew! — and he heard my footsteps and turned around and I put my head and down and murmured Shmai Yisrael and took a wide berth and passed him only to pull up when there were two young black men ahead of me stopped still, perhaps waiting for the lights to change to cross the street or perhaps waiting to mug someone. So I stop and stare in the store window. During past terror-filled walks through downtown at night, I noticed that some black men scowled at me with contempt and told me not to be racist. So last night I kept as much distances as I could behind the two young black thugs without the first black guy coming up on me and I shuffled, stopped and started to my destination and I was standing there and I couldn’t figure out the access code. There was a thick pane of glass and a locked door between me and safety.

Finally, a white guy with a dog comes along. He’s a resident. I ask him if I can follow in his wake. He says sure. We get in the elevator. I tell him I am not used to being in downtown LA and how much it scares me. I can’t figure out which floor to get out for the party. He tells me and then I follow him out on his floor and he reminds me I need to go to another floor, and when I get all that taken care of, there are signs up that the party is a block down the corridor.

I fear that as hard as I pray, I cannot overcome my racism. Maybe I’ll meet a priest tonight who can help me.

* Episcopal priests get to have sex outside of marriage but they aren’t allowed to hate other religions and races. I’d rather be able to hate other religions/groups and skip the sex.

* When I meet pretty girls at a party, and I tell them how scared I was just driving into downtown LA, does that turn them on?

* I was told last night about the horribly prejudiced and bigoted things said around a Chabad table. “That’s why I love Chabad!” I answered, to the consternation of my conversation partner. “I love prejudice and bigotry. It’s just so deliciously human. It’s not normal to have a strong in-group identity and not have prejudice and bigotry against other groups.” Another bloke told me how horrible it was that Donald Trump dissed the Seventh-Day Adventist church when he went after Ben Carson. I said it was wonderful, the most news coverage the Church had received in decades. My interlocutor said that religious prejudice was always wrong. I looked at him with my mouth agape. I live to be prejudiced. It’s one of the genuine pleasures of Orthodox Judaism, you get to sit around with your mates and trash other religions.

* Met a goy last night who writes about a Jewish-dominated industry. I told him he should Jew it up, always note who’s Jewish and who’s Zionist, and just go Jew-Jew-Jew-Jew 24-7 because it would be good for his career. Everybody at the party started staring at me. The goy host told me that if he ever said something like that, he would be in deep trouble, but I can get away with it because I’m wearing a yarmulka.

Charles comments: “Where can I get a yarmulka?”

Luke: “I can get you one today only $10 plus shipping and handling (another $10). I’ll even autograph it.”

* I met a girl last night who’s felt the presence of God pretty much all her waking life.

* I met a Christian woman so fascinating last night that at the end of the evening it took the Holy Spirit, ten strong men and her fiance to pry me away.

* I met a CFO last night who will jog 15 miles through dangerous parts of town at 2am (carrying a knife) and I wanted to ask him to tutor me in how to be a man.

* I’m available to come to your parties and be prejudiced.

* “Parties and Prejudice: The Luke Ford Sagas.”

* I did not set out Saturday night to spend so much time talking to a shiksa goddess priest, but she bewitched me with her presence of God talk.

* When you meet a priest at a party and you find out she takes confession and your mind boggles. I am only flesh and blood.

* I heard last night that Episcopalians were privileged. Yet I never hear Jews are privileged. I heard last night from a priest that Christians are not persecuted. No rabbi would ever say that about Jews, how else would we fundraise?

* Successful people know and **** other successful and pretty people. I had a terrible Tinder date the other night. Life could be worse.

* I met these men at the party, and I felt like such a pansy in comparison to them. They were strong and successful and driven. Perhaps I spend too much time posting about my feelings?

* I had a great time last night. I had a taste of how life should be lived.

* Amalek: “Did the evening bring you closer to yiddishkeit?”

* Who knew that goyim could be so nice and so fun? Perhaps it was better for the yiddisha neshama when they were persecuting us. Oh, for life in the Pale. Then we knew who we were. We loathed the goyim and they loathed us. Life was much simpler then.

* Not every Moroccan immigrant leaves severed heads in the street.

* Chaim Amalek: “I’ve been to downtown LA and seriously, it wasn’t that bad, not even a decade ago when it was less gentrified than today. Add Negrophobia and Hispanophobia to the long roster of phobias (beginning with vaginaphobia) you need to get past to live a full life.”

There’s been a burst of ultra-violence there this past year aka the Ferguson effect.

* New on the job, I got really happy when Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love is” came on and I stood up.
Boss: “We don’t stand up for Foreigner and Journey around here.”
And then he changed the station.
The boss said my musical tastes (Madonna etc) were gay.
Last night I got into a discussion of the relative merits of Journey vs Foreigner. The woman said that Journey was on a much higher level.

* To give up on the Jewess is to give up on life itself.

Chaim Amalek Tell us about your terrible tinder date.
Luke Ford I’m too ashamed.
Chaim Amalek Because she was black and fat, right?
Chaim Amalek You did not want to be seen with her.
Chaim Amalek And so when she offered to take you upstairs to meet her aged parents, you declined. Even though she’d have offered you all that you could have hoped for in life
Luke Ford Yes.
Chaim Amalek I’ll bet her tinder photos were of her twenty years ago and 40 pounds lighter.
Chaim Amalek So predictable. Have you given up on Jewesses, or have they resolutely declined to respond to you?
Chaim Amalek Luke Ford You sound like a bitter man who can’t get a date with a white girl. No wonder you hate diversity.

* Goy: “When white Christians and Jews went secular they demystified their lives and environment. We still see the horrible effects today as they seek spiritual fulfilment and mystical connections to earth in ridiculous ways (climate change/MLK). I look at my atheist paternal side of my family that two generations ago were proud Episcopalians and see lost souls desperate for the spiritual, communal feeling.”

* I’ve always expected nuns to be ugly because I figured if they could get an Alpha male in real life, they wouldn’t need to dedicate themselves to Jesus.

* What do you do when you talk to a priest at a party and she’s young and beautiful and Episcopal and she’s giving mass at 7 am and her arms are bare and she’s Jewish! Her matrilineal grandma converted to Christianity.

* A shiksa last night told me that she loves Orthodox Judaism’s theology. I’m not sure I’ve ever met an Orthodox Jew who’s told me he loves Orthodox Judaism’s theology. Jews rarely discuss theology. The goyim argue systematic theology, Jews tell stories.

* I went to a party last night that had a lovely view of skidrow. Luminous!

* Chaim Amalek: “If the goyim knew what torah Jews believe and teach to their young, well, it is a good thing we control the media.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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