My Interview With Elizabeth Fournier – Author of ‘All Men Are Cremated Equal: 77 Blind Dates’

Elizabeth’s book ends on a happy note — she gets married at age 37.

Here’s the timeline from Elizabeth:

Luke: "Why do you think you didn’t marry earlier?"

Elizabeth: "The right guy didn’t come along. I always had a boyfriend. I had about ten boyfriends for about a year each. I was always the woman who hung in the relationship for as long as possible to make things work until I got dumped and I got my heart broken. I never thought I deserved anything perfect. I thought you could work it out. I’ve dated all types of individuals. I didn’t marry because I didn’t have that feeling that it was the right person. All women I know who have a happy partnership or marriage, they all say the same thing, that person just feels right. It just feels like home. I never had that before."

"Women are a little bit disposable in this society. My husband is seven-and-a-half years younger. I think he does truly desire and love me but hey, there’s always the chance that I’ll be looking really old in ten years and he might be looking pretty youthful. I hope that won’t be a problem."

Luke: "I was thinking while I was reading your book that first dates are a horrible way to meet people as opposed to you happen to fall together doing an activity you both love."

Elizabeth: "Yes. It felt like an interview."

Luke: "What was the hardest part of writing this book?"

Elizabeth: "Aside from people saying, ‘Hmm, I don’t think that what you wrote will sell…’ When you sit down to write a book, people aren’t always naturally encouraging… Random males…would say stuff like, ‘What are you thinking?’ ‘What makes you think you are so special that you’re not sleeping with the guy on the first date?’ ‘What’s your problem?’ I got that sort of negativism that I was out testing men.

"I realized that my spelling and punctuation isn’t as good [as she thought]. I went to a school here in Oregon which is considered the Stanford of Oregon (Linfield College). I thought that getting a degree from the school meant that I had excellent journalism skills. It was interesting to find out that I don’t. My writing needs lots of tweaks and lots of help."

Luke: "I was often struck when I was writing a memoir, and some people came out and said this, what makes you think that you are so interesting, what makes your life so special that it is worth reading about in a book?"

"What percentage of men do you think have considerable hatred of women?"

Elizabeth: "I’d probably say, oh, not many, but now that I am savvy with the internet and see what is written out there and the blogs that men have, let alone having gone on 77 dates and having some angry daters, I would say that a good 20% who have been hurt or scorned or misunderstood or feel disenfranchised. I’m curious, from a man’s point of view, what do you think it is?"

Luke: "I would say it is virtually 100%."

Elizabeth: "Oh gosh, that’s really disheartening."

Luke: "I’m not saying that is the only emotion they have towards women, but I’d say that virtually every man has substantial fear and hatred of women."

Elizabeth: "Yeah, that’s probably pretty accurate. We’re very screwy characters. Men are very basic. If we only understood how they thought, it would make our lives easier. We complicate them."

Luke: "Most of the hatred men have for women, from my own perspective, I’m not immune from fear and loathing of women though I would not regard it as the primary emotion I have towards them, I place the locus at — we men have to be the pursuer so we’re constantly getting rejected."

Elizabeth: "My female friends think that men are such dogs and that men are so unfair to them. I say to my friends, women have spoiled men. Women have spread their legs so easily, they hound men so much, they don’t allow men to be men and do what they want to do as men, therefore women feel like they are treated poorly… We have messed up the dating process so much that what we think is normal is not getting anybody to the place they want to be."

Luke: "Why is it a red flag when a man wants to go dutch on a date?"

Elizabeth: "When a man picks up the phone and asks to take you some place, he should pay. What I have found is that if I have to pay halfway, I will continue to have to pay halfway, and then what happens is that I continue paying all the way. I’ve had men I’ve financially taken care of. I don’t need a guy with a big bankroll to take me out and buy my some steak, but it is nice if the guy does open up the wallet because I haven’t had that that much. I’m talking little gestures."

Luke: "How often have you asked a man out on a first date?"

Elizabeth: "I think in college I did it a little bit. I don’t really pursue men. I want to know that he really likes me."

Luke: "I agree with that."

Elizabeth: "Is that because men are hunters and need to do something?"

Luke: "Yes."

"You seem very Oregonian to me. How much have you been shaped by the state in which you’ve spent much of your life?"

Elizabeth laughs. "I am very Oregonian. I have a natural look. I have a peaceful approach. …In Oregon, people are more into being kind to each other and taking care of the earth and being sustainable."

Luke: "I’ve been to Oregon twice. I just loved it. I met a girl in synagogue on the Sabbath and the next day we climbed Mount Hood."

"How much do you think the niceness of Oregon is overwhelmingly a homogeneous group of people?"

Elizabeth: "Oregon has the highest caucasian population and the highest land mass for that population and no secular-religious situation. Yeah, pretty homogeneous. Is that why we all get along? That’s interesting. You’ve really stumped me with that one. That’s a great question. I would like to think no, just because we’re all white folks who are pretty middle of the road, that’s why we see along the same lines. That quite possibly could be it."

Luke: "You don’t want to answer that question. It will only get you in trouble."

Elizabeth: "Yeah, it’s a hard one."

Luke: "It’s just really nice and clean. There wasn’t a lot of trash and visible signs of social dysfunction."

"Have you heard of the book, ‘The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists’?"

Elizabeth: "Yes. I’ve seen his website. I think it’s all true. A lot of it is knowing how someone else thinks and maneuvering and angling."

Luke: "What do you think of the book ‘The Rules‘?"

Elizabeth: "I think there’s a lot to be said for that too. It’s all about supply and demand. People want what they can’t have. If you’re not always easy to reach by phone, if you are not always available to hang out with somebody, you become special."

Luke: "How has marriage changed you?"

Elizabeth: "It has made me a lot more selfless. You have somebody else to consider."