I was lying down in yoga the other night watching the rest of the class crumple their lower backs by bending backwards 20 degrees. Then I watched them thrash about in all sorts of exercises that debauched their kinesthesia while I lay there as cool as a cucumber, lengthening and widening without breaking a sweat. My mates were engaged in all sorts of strenuous activities but they were not doing them in accordance with the teachings of the holy F. M. Alexandre and were therefore doing themselves more harm than good.
"This is the essence of Alexander Technique," I thought to myself, "this cool calm sense of superiority. This deep conviction that you are better than everyone else. This is where it’s at. I am one of the unique, one of the Chosen Ones. I have the best use in the room. I know more. I’ve studied more. I’ve practiced more. I’m a more advanced and elevated human being. I carry myself more lightly and gracefully and humbly. I am an ubermench, the type of bloke prophesied by the prophet Friedrich Nietzsche. I am God’s servant. I deliver divine karma."
As I go through life, I see that the great sweaty masses of people use themselves abominably. Their shoulders are arched and their backs are slumped and their footsteps are heavy and awkward. They tense their necks and thrust out their chests and this makes them gulp for air when they talk.
It’s all most distasteful. So many people have such poor use of themselves and then there’s me, the personification of grace and beauty.
But it’s not me I’m thinking about right now. It’s the great sweaty masses. How do we thin them out? As I drive around Los Angeles, I am continually held up by the sheer numbers of the ignorant ones. They are too many. I find it distasteful to look at them hunching and pushing and shoving themselves about. And for those that are left, the ones we need to mow our lawns and keep Social Security solvent, how do we herd them into camps and forcibly re-educate them to free their necks and let their backs lengthen and widen?
