I’ve had heelspurs for nine years and a sore elbow for three years.
And a lazy lob-on that inspires fear in most health care professionals (and many semi-pros as well).
I went in today to Lyn Paul Taylor and got amazing relief.
Check out his website – ADVTherapy.net.
I really like the office. It’s a friendly place and Lyn’s great to talk to. A real man’s man, like me. Full of hearty heterosexual bonhomie.
He began by diddling me with a machine that checked for inflammation and man was I inflamed. I was nothing but a swollen ball of pain when I walked in this afternoon. It gave me great reassurance to hear the buzzings from his machine that confirmed my suffering was not just in my head.
As he hooked me up to various machines, I kept telling him I would only give him my name, rank and serial number. Then I complained to him about women and sought his counsel. I said one had recently bit me and it made me feel like less of a man because I didn’t like it.
And then I said the f-word because he hit a sore spot and he said, "I thought you were a religious man?"
Finally, all the blokes cleared out and the two sheilas paid exclusive mind to me — though it wasn’t their minds I was chiefly interested in.
"I haven’t had this much attention since I got arrested," I said as they rubbed this white cream on my feet and ultrasounded me to the very heights of ecstasy allowed by Torah law — written and oral.
"When did you get arrested?" asked the karaoking Filipina.
"He wasn’t arrested," said the streetwise black chick. "He’s a writer. He loves to make up stories."
When it was all done an hour later, they charged me $215 and gave me an appointment for next week. I feel like my elbow problem is already solved. I’ve spent about $5,000 for acupuncture and other treatments over the past three years and while this had its own wicked pleasures, I finally feel like I can pitch again for the Dodgers (or at least my shul’s softball team).
My feet are an absolute mess. It’s not just the plantar fascitis aka heel spurs. It’s the stretched ligaments on top from sitting on my feet in prayer pose and other kundalini claptrap.
Yoga is bloody dangerous. This office sees a lot of people who put themselves out of sort doing that wild Indian thing.
Once you stretch a tendon too far, it doesn’t snap back. It will always be loose. While loose can be a wonderful trait in women, it bites the big one when it comes to tendons.
My advice is — don’t do anything in yoga or in sex that approaches pain unless you’re a pro.
I’m going to need to go back for several more sessions on my feet before I can once again daven for the entire congregation.
When it comes to carpal tunnel, Lyn Paul Taylor can usually get rid of it in one hearty go.
When it comes to chicks who like to bite you, Lyn got no advice.