One trait about many people in my life that I have hated was their closedness to learning anything from me.
I love it when people I love share my interests. It makes me feel closer to them.
I want to develop this ability of mine to join other people in their interests.
It is a powerful feeling when you open yourself up to others and sharing in their joys.
I read this great blog post on Slate:
I was struck by a phrase in a description of Nabatov, a hero in Resurrection
.
Nabatov is a peasant who got a high-school education because of his exceptional talents. He didn’t go to the university, however, because he wanted to “go among the people and enlighten his neglected brethren.” He took up various positions, and each time was arrested for trying to organize the peasants, and ultimately he was exiled. Tolstoy extols his virtues:
As a peasant he was industrious, observant, and clever at his work; he was also naturally self-controlled, polite without any effort, and attentive not only to the wishes but also to the opinions of others. His widowed mother, an illiterate, superstitious old peasant woman, was still living, and Nabatov helped her, and used to visit her when he was free. During the time he spent at home he entered into all the interests of his mother’s life, helped her in her work, continued his intercourse with former playfellows, smoking in their company cheap tobacco in ‘dog’s-foot cigarettes,’ took part in their fisticuffs, and explained to them how they were all being deceived by the State and how they ought to disentangle themselves from the deception they were kept in.
The phrase that caught my attention in this description is that Nabatov “entered into all the interest of his mother’s life.” It occurs to me that when you think of people getting along harmoniously—whether in a family, or among friends, or in an office—people make an effort to enter into the interests of each other’s lives.
Presumably Nabatov wasn’t much interested in the things that interested his “illiterate, superstitious old peasant” mother. I’m not much interested in Hannah Montana, which interests my older daughter. My husband isn’t much interested in why I think all biographers of St. Therese of Lisieux have profoundly misunderstood her.
Not only do people find it difficult to enter into each other’s interests, people also have a strong impulse to be judgmental about other people’s interests. I think someone’s interest in wine is boring. Someone thinks my interest in children’s literature is childish.
When you’re trying to be happier, one issue that frequently arises is: “If I do this, am I being fake? Doesn’t happiness depend on being authentic? If I don’t naturally feel optimistic/positive/interested, why should I pretend?” (See, e.g., whether you should unenthusiastically play your part in a tradition.)
JOE EMAILS: "That’s the beauty of passionate journalism– you can enter other peoples’ interests out of pure curiosity, and not fuss over whether you "like" it or not, which is so boring. And when that curiosity has to do with your own people, it goes that much deeper. Keep entering…your people need you."
