Among the most ridiculous things I see in Orthodox shuls are the fights over the right to various honors such as aliyot (call to the Torah), davening for the congregation, or reciting the Torah or Haftorah portion.
I see rabbis who talk about leaving a shul because they’re not given the right on a particular Shabbat to lead the prayers or to recite the Torah portion.
Rabbi Ari Kahn has a lecture on women saying kaddish. He guarantees people that their dead parents will receive greater joy in Heaven over the person backing down from a fight to lead the prayers than from creating bad blood and leading the prayers. The same would go for women who want to recite the kaddish publicly in shuls where that is not the custom.
"Men often act brutal and childish with regard to the kaddish," notes Rabbi Kahn.
The kaddish is not magic. Getting an aliyah or the right to recite the Torah portion or leading the prayers is not magic either. It’s not going to give you good luck to get a synagogue honor, especially if you create bad blood if your drive to get such an honor.
Chabad has a strange custom whereby a loved one is saved an hour from hell for every public kaddish you recite.
PS. It’s a dreary day and I’m feeling dreary, so I’m spending the day in bed listening to Rabbi Kahn’s shiurim. There are worse ways to spend your time, such as chasing after wanton women who will only lead you further and further from the paths of Torah. Oy ve!
