I Got Poked On Facebook

These chicks poked me on Facebook and I’m not sure what to do. Do I poke back? Do I message back? Do I ask ’em out? Do I make wedding plans? Is this serious or is this just play?

I’m not a piece of meat.

Frankly, I am shomer negiyah. I’m shomer by default.

Heshy Fried explains:

SUO- Shomer Until Opportunity:
These are the folks who are 100% shomer until they wind up at some after-work party with some hottie hitting on them. The second the women show interest their once fervent stance on keeping negiah is lost to the prospect of some steamy NSA action.

SBD- Shomer By Default:
If they could get some they probably would not be shomer, but since they’re too stupid to figure out how to use chat rooms, the casual encounter ads on Craigslist and the poking mechanism on Facebook, they have resigned themselves to a life of free porn and peeking at women over the mechitza. This category is filled up by nerdy or socially inept folks who think they don’t have a chance in the world to get some action.

Shomer N’fooling Around:
These folks are shomer when it comes to getting intimate, but when it comes to having folks sit next to them, putting their arms around them, or giving them hugs, they see no problem with this. Also in this crowd are those folks that think sleeping in the same bed with their "good friend" of the opposite sex- is no problem at all and they are just friends. I have spoken to people in relationships with girls who refuse to do anything besides hand holding and cuddling. In modern vernacular we call these people cock-teases.

SUH- Shomer Until Horny:

These are my favorites, the folks who are hardcore shomer until they can’t take the pressure anymore. I am sure many of you may feel the same way. In fact I was at a hotel with my father a few years ago and I met two single girls in their 20s. We got into a conversation about being shomer negiah or not and they revealed that they, like good bais yaakov girls, had never touched a guy. They also revealed that they had made a pact, not unlike the one in the first American Pie, in which they had both agreed to go out and have sex if they weren’t married by 30, I tried desperately to convince them to join me for a ménage a trois, but there wasn’t enough alcohol available.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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