Just Wondering

* Wife: “I could reheat something or honey, you could pick up something on the way home piping hot!”

* How come escorts advertise the complete “Girlfriend Experience” but not the complete “Wife Experience”?

* My friend thinks the worst of everybody, and it bothers me that he’s right about 95% of the time.

* Friend: “All you do is make stupid jokes and stupid posts! No wonder ************* tried to kill you. Anything to stop the monologue.”

* Just pitched a rich Jew that I could be his guide to the Gentile world. “I know how the goy thinks!” I cried.

* Orthodox Judaism and Seventh-Day Adventism do not approve of bachelor parties, so I’m thinking of asking my future mother-in-law to pay for one.

* Friend: “If you had any decency, any self-worth, any strength, you’d drive to her house right now and save her from a bad wedding.”

* Ever been served Ensure in crystal glasses by a butler at a business meeting with an old geezer?

* Friend: “Do you agree with me?”
Luke: “….”
Friend: “I always ask you for your opinion so I can hear a stupid response and you never fail.”

* A friend looks at me: “You look like David Carradine in The Kungfu Kid. You don’t look Jewish. The only thing you can convert is Uncle Ben’s rice.”

* A black and a Mexican are in a car. Who’s driving? The police officer.

* Friend: “You don’t care about me. I’m just in a sea of people you don’t care about, which is basically the whole planet. I know who you are.”

* “Where would Judaism be today if Luke were not here to point out the bad things.” (Miriam Lilian D Or)

* I just tried to extend my empathy by asking a friend, “How are you?”, and she replied, “In what way Luke?” Pfft. I’m tired now.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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