Luke: “I converted to Judaism 22 years ago. Where’s my seat on the board of a bank or a movie studio?”
Friend: “You have to pay me, and Chaim and Shlomo $10,000 a month for three years, and then we’ll introduce you to the right people so you can get on that bank board.”
* Pure racism. I’d like to see quotas imposed and equal opportunity for every egg. Some high-end fertility clinics and egg-donor agencies ignore the guidelines and pay more for eggs from particularly attractive donors: actresses, models, Asians, Jewish women and Ivy League students with high SAT scores.
* What’s more awkward? Running into your rabbi at the Christmas tree lot or your cantor at the hardware store?
* Friend: “You don’t speak Hebrew.”
Luke: “My tzitzit are longer than yours.”
* Tubby white guy gets divorced in his 40s, dates hot young black chicks for a year, reports, “It was like shooting fish in a barrel. They were just so grateful for attention from a professional white guy.”
* A fellow convert to Orthodox Judaism says to me: “Becoming a Jew can make you the worst anti-Semite and you realize all those WN whackos were right about some things. Jews and gentiles are natural enemies. It’s how God made the world.”
“It’s too ironic. I mean converting to Judaism awakening their white national identity. That is ****ed up.”
* Unlike with Christian clergy, rabbis don’t usually consider what you divulge to them in private with the expectation of privacy to be confidential. They often want you to open up, and then they spread it around. I guess they find it a useful tactic to weed out the bad ones or to just govern the community.
* Growing up a Seventh-Day Adventist, it was basically forbidden to sue anyone. Jewish life is a tad different.
* I just realized that most (it not all) of my GFs had fathers who were sex addicts.
