Doctor, Doctor, My Yellow Fever Burns Out Of Control

Asians are my favorite minority.

If going yellow is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

The Asians I know are clean, disciplined and well educated. Most of them are cute and cuddly. They’re committed to their famillies and don’t have skanky diseases such as AIDS, alcoholism and the clap.

How come blacks smell better than Jews at their respective houses of worship? Jewish law does not permit Jews to bathe on a holy day while blacks go to church looking their best. They seem so happy, always singing and dancing and praising the Lord. They seem so much happier to be in church than Jews do to be in shul. Come Saturday morning in shul, most Jews are looking a little the worse for wear. They haven’t bathed in twelve hours nor applied fresh make-up.

I want to be black! I want to sing negro spirituals! I want to run around naked in the jungle!

I want the natural self-confidence that comes with owning a big long spear.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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