How Do You Look At Women?

My married friend says that when he sees a woman, his first thought is not about relations (nor his second nor his third). He says that when he watches women’s soccer, he thinks about the play. “Nice pass” and that sort of thing. My first thought upon seeing a woman, whether on TV or in real life, is a tad more visceral. I instinctively assess how fertile and fun she might be.

When my friend watches football cheerleaders, are his first thoughts, “What great dance moves!” My 12-Step buddies warn me against using women (even an extended gaze, let alone a conversation) as a hit, a high, an opportunity to intrigue, and to distract myself and to feel better about myself. My therapist says that women are people too. I think my dad taught me that women are not watermelons — you don’t drill a hole in them to see if they’re sweet. A friend says women are not gas stations that you use to fill up your empty self.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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