Miriam writes: “The dating world is not fair on women. Most men expect a woman to put out after a few dates, but then won’t take her home to meet their mum because she puts out. Then, you have the men who find themselves a virgin, promise her the marriage convince her to sleep with him; then backtrack from the relationship with petty excuses. So now, this one time virgin who was saving herself, has a strike on her record from getting used.”
Mike emails: Where is the unfairness? Men and women are equal. Both get to have as much sex as they want and neither is obligated to marry. No one is stopping her from waiting until she actually GETS married to have sex … unless she is REALLY saying ‘men promise marriage in exchange for sex and then don’t hold up their end of the bargain’. If so, the solution is easy: don’t have sex before marriage. In the Olden Days, when marriage was a financial and dynastic arrangement that neither party could escape ‘no-fault’, there was a common law tort called ‘Breach of Promise’. Once you had contracted with someone to marry (aka ‘got engaged’), you could not back out. Does Miriam propose a return to the old system?
Although she says ‘the dating world is not fair’, the only examples she gives are Bad Men. Her anger is mis-directed. The problem is that so many women give sex away free that it has reduced Miriam’s bargaining power. Men have not changed in the slightest.
If Miriam was honest, she properly place the blame on females. Miriam and other women could solve the problem easily by returning to age-old female-on-female traditions like slut-shaming, shunning, and other forms of female social ostracism. Haredi women do that quite effectively and they all seem to get married on time.
I fear Miriam would not want to go that far, however, since it would prevent her from riding the cock carrousel herself from age 15-30. As a man, I must confess I would not consider marrying Miriam or ANY woman who considered having sex as ‘getting used’.
LUKE: Women — not just Miriam — regard everything romantic and sexual with men that doesn’t lead to marriage as “getting used.”
Miriam: It depends if the man lied to her in order to get access to her body. People can be honest from the beginning and say “I don’t want anything serious, let’s just have fun” that’s fine. They’re just having fun and no one is getting used. But if one of the partner’s (man or woman) decides to act like they want a long term, and they really don’t, they lie to the partner, they promise marriage or kids and at the end say sorry, I don’t really want that. That is using someone, specially is he knows she was a virgin saving herself for marriage.
